My Journey with Pride

Day 27 of 365...

Genesis 43-45

Key Passages/Thoughts:

Gen 45:5-8 - "And now don't be worried or angry with yourselves for selling me here, because God sent me ahead of you to preserve life.  For the famine has been in the land these two years, and there will be five more years without plowing or harvesting.  God sent me ahead of you to establish you as a remnant within the land and to keep you alive by a great deliverance.  Therefore it was not you who sent me here, but God. He has made me a father to Pharaoh, lord of his entire household, and ruler over all the land of Egypt."


Why is humility so hard?  For me, it's a pride thing.  I talked about this to a certain extent in a previous post, but it's a big issue in my life.  Joseph had no problem giving credit where credit is due.  When speaking with his brothers, he said that all these things happened because God sent Joseph or provided for Joseph.  I'm scared to delve into this subject because of what might come out, but I want to be considered someone who is transparent and real, so here goes.


What is at the core of my pride?  Well, we have to travel back in time a little bit to examine the issue.  Growing up, I had to wear "coke bottle" glasses due to my poor eye sight.  This was the source of my concern for what others cared about me.  You could even say that this was the initial wound (a la John Eldridge's "Wild at Heart") that would blossom into a pride issue.  From third grade on, I began a journey that brought about the desire for acceptance and approval.  It was especially bad in high school.  Thankfully, along this journey, God shielded me from a lot of the coping mechanisms people have in this process (drugs, alcohol, fill in the blank), but the wounds sustained during this journey run deep.  I believe God sustained through the high school years because I had an awesome group of friends from my church that were pretty tight knit.  Wounds encounter during the "formative years," I believe, are the hardest to overcome.  As you are trying to discover who you are and who you will be, sustaining criticism and ridicule almost come to define you.  At least, that's how it was for my journey.  The only was to change that "definition" is to allow God to reshape your way of thinking.  I had to learn how He defines me. 


I felt as though I had a new beginning going off to college.  I got to start over.  I would encounter new friends that didn't know about my past.  It was here that I began the long journey of healing the wound that was created.   However, when you go through a process of releasing many years of wounds, it's not exactly easy.  Even now, I struggle with these same issues.  When I read passages like this one, God reminds me where my hope is found.  Joseph, through all he endured, found identity and purpose in God Himself.  God has the tendency to push the limit of what I think I can endure when it comes to this area.  I have begun to picture this process as a sculptor with a hammer and chisel sculpting a piece of rock.  Each scenario is just another swing of the hammer chipping off another imperfection.  Each time I'm pushed to the limit, God is replacing one of those past memories with a new one that is based on Him.  


Thank You God that You make all things new.  Thank You that You can replace a painful past with a promising future.  Thank You that my past doesn't define me, but that I am found in You.

Zaphenath-paneah

Day 26 of 365...

Genesis 41-42

Key Passages/Thoughts:

Gen 41:45 - "Pharaoh gave Joseph the name Zaphenath-paneah "

When other people look at me and my life, do they truly see Christ?  God asked me this question several weeks ago.  In my own justification of an answer, I began to break my life up into different segment and try to answer that question with regard to each segment.  Do my friends truly see Christ in me?  Family?  Strangers?  Co-workers?  The answer should be, "Yes."  Not only should the answer be yes, but it should be yes 100% of the time.  It's that 100% that has been haunting me.  When I read that Pharaoh saw what a godly man Joseph was that he named Joseph Zaphenath-paneah (or God speaks and He lives), I begin to realize that I have some room for improvement.  When people speak to me, do they walk away thinking that God just spoke to them through my words and actions?  I began to ask myself why I tend to fail in some of those situations?  One of the reasons is that I'm just not aware all the time.  I often find myself living life in the rear view mirror.  I get so focused on what I didn't do, didn't say or how I messed something up that I miss the opportunities that are staring me right in the face.  The place I fail at this the most is with my family.  Every day I have opportunities to teach my kids something about God.  While I take advantage of some of those opportunities, I miss a whole lot more.  My kids are like sponges, and I need to make sure that they absorb as much about the love of God as they can while they are still under my roof.   


Another reason that I tend to fail is that I tell myself that I don't have time.  This is one of the biggest fallacies that Satan uses to distract me from taking advantage of the opportunities God places before me.  I'll hear a voice in my ear saying, "you don't have time to stop and talk to that person, you need to be _____ (fill in the blank)."  The reality is, I do have time to spend with someone if they need it. I need to have my schedule flexible enough to be able to stop when God tells me to stop.  My wife and have been in the process of trying to free up more time in our family schedule to be able to minister more and spend more time as a family.  This is a daily struggle and battle because it goes against what everyone else is doing.  We have backed away from almost all sports, dance or whatever class or extracurricular activity you can think of.  The reason being is that we want our family to love each other first, then give that love to everyone we come in contact with.  The Bible talks about being a the "sweet aroma" of Christ to those we come across, and that is what we want for our family.  We want people to look at our family and see the love of Christ present!  We are not there yet, but what an exciting journey to be on.


The last hurdle for me to overcome is the lack of desire.  There are times that I just don't feel like doing what God asks me to do.  It's a me problem!  There are days that I wake up and don't have the energy to engage the people God puts in my path.  There is still of piece of me not willing to be sacrificed, and boy can it put up a good fight!  Pride, for me, is the hardest thing to relinquish.  Pride is what keeps me from having this desire every day.  However, I feel that God continues to kill that part of me on a daily basis.  It would be so much easier if I were to just release my pride, but my stubbornness won't let it go.  


These three obstacles seem insurmountable at times, but, as I said before, God continues to chip away at them every day.  I pray that God brings the sledge hammer and knocks down the wall of pride so that He can have every part of me.  God continue to open my eyes to the opportunities that you place before me.  Help me to make the most of the time I have with my kids and teach them about Your great love.  Give me the courage to share Your love in every situation I face, so that when people walk away they can say Zaphenath-paneah..."God speaks and He lives!"

The Humility of Being Pursued

Day 25 of 365...

Genesis 38-40

Key Passages/Thoughts:

Gen 39:21 - "the Lord was with Joseph"

Joseph was in an extremely lonely place.  Joseph's brothers were extremely jealous and angered with Joseph.  He had shared a few of his dreams with his brothers that involved Joseph having power over them.  He was the apple of his father's eye, and his brothers were reminded of that every time they saw his multicolored cloak.  Then, you have the day Joseph went to see his brothers.  His brothers threw him in a hole in the ground and sold him as a slave.  Joseph ends up at Potiphar's house because Potiphar had bought him as a slave as well.  It is here that things began to go well for Joseph.  However, Potiphar's wife accuses Joseph of trying to rape her.  Joseph ends up in prison.  If I were Joseph, I think I'd be at the end of my rope.  Just when things start going well, they seem to always take a turn for the worse.  Joseph had every reason have to question whether or not God is with him.  We are reminded of that fact several times during Joseph's story.  No matter how bad things seem to get for Joseph, God always seems to make things right.  


As I read the story Joseph, there are several different applications that can be made.  The one that God is driving home with me right now is the idea that God is always with me.  There have been times when I felt like God was so distant that, even if He had spoken, I don't know if I would have heard Him.  As I begin to process through those times, it became quite evident that the reason I couldn't hear Him speak was because I didn't want to hear what He had to say.  Sometimes I get so caught up in my own sins or my desire for comfortability that the only voice I want to hear is my own.  When I get to this point, it's a very dark place.  It is these moments that I realize God's faithfulness to continue to pursue after me!  Usually, there are several, if not many, decisions that lead me into those dark areas. It is in that loneliness, it is in that depression, and it is in that feeling of isolation that God reminds me that I am His beloved and I was created for so much more.  I don't say that out of pride or haughtiness.  I say that because my identity is not found in my mistakes.  My identity is found in Christ and Him crucified.  I am new creation...the old has gone and the new has come.  When I am in those dark places, and God reminds me of this fact, it is like God takes a sledge hammer and breaks through that wall of deception that the enemy had been building and says, "This one's with Me."  I am so thankful that the Lord is with me!  Thank You Lord for being with me even when I don't want You to be.  Thank You that You pursue me when I don't always pursue You.  Thank You that You are the perfect example of what faithfulness looks like.

I'm Never Alone

Day 24 of 365...

Genesis 35-37

Key Passages/Thoughts:

Gen 35:3 - "I will build an altar there to the God who answered me in my day of distress. He has been with me everywhere I have gone."

So, we're back to the importance of building altars.  Jacob brings up an important reminder, God is with me everywhere I go.  I think a lot of times we forget that fact.  I think if I were to spend more time thinking about what God has done for me, and how He's provided for me, I would have a lot more "altars" built.  Unfortunately, I have the tendency to forget the things that God has done for me rather than remembering them.  Sure, I remember the big things, but it's the small things that are more important.  The reason is, if I were to remember the small things, I would realize how much God has truly been with me. I think that's why people relate faith to a roller coaster.  You go up and down, from mountaintop to valley, and that's not the way God designed our relationship with Him.  I think that's why Paul compared our life/faith to a race. It's a matter of enduring until the end.  I think the key to running the race properly is that were following someone not running ahead.  This is where I run into problems.  It would be a whole lot easier to see that God is with me everywhere I've been when it's Him that I am following.  The reality is, I'm the one running ahead hoping that He's following right behind me.  Thankfully, when I run so far ahead and reach my day of distress, God still answers me and is faithful even when I haven't been.  If that's not worth building an altar, then I'm not sure what is.  Most of the time, God doesn't get the credit that He's due.  In my life, I need to give Him more recognition.  God give me the strength to give You the credit that You deserve.  As I run this race, help me to always remember to run in Your footsteps.

Grace Greater than All My Sin

Day 23 of 365...

Genesis 32-34

Key Passages/Thoughts:

Gen 32:9-12 - "Then Jacob said, 'God of my father Abraham and God of my father Isaac, the Lord who said to me, 'Go back to your land and to your family, and I will cause you to prosper,' I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness You have shown Your servant. Indeed,  I crossed over this Jordan with my staff, and now I have become two camps.  Please rescue me from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid of him; otherwise, he may come and attack me, the mothers, and their children.  You have said, 'I will cause you to prosper, and I will make your offspring like the sand of the sea, which cannot be counted.'"

Gen 33:4 - "But Esau ran to meet him, hugged him, threw his arms around him, and kissed him. Then they wept."


Have you ever been worried about what the consequences of your actions might be only to be surprised that you've been reprieved?  I have definitely been in that situation before. Jacob had that same situation with Esau.  Jacob stole Esau's birthright for some soup and his blessing from their father out of deception.  After Jacob stole Esau's blessing, Esau vowed to kill Jacob!  Those are some serious consequences.  I don't know how many years it had been since Jacob saw Esau, but I think it's safe to say it had been a long while.  After all, Jacob has worked for Laban for 14 years, had many children and moved around quite a bit.  However, I'm sure that the wound that Jacob created in Esau's heart was still there.  Needless to say, there was a little apprehension in Jacob knowing that he was about to see his brother.  As I read through this passage, I couldn't help but think of some of the consequences I've had to face because of my own poor decisions.  I also begin to shudder at the idea of consequences I haven't faced yet!  There are times that I beg God not to be harsh on me because I know that I messed up.  However, there are times that I get reprieved in the same way Jacob did with Esau.  Upon first seeing his brother, expecting the worst, Jacob received an embrace from his brother, a kiss and they both wept.  It wasn't the reception Jacob was expecting.  There are times when, undeservingly so, God shows me grace when it comes to the consequences I deserve.  The only thing I can do when He grants me this grace is respond how Jacob did and show God my full affection.  It still amazes me how there is no end to God's grace!  Thank you Lord for showing me grace when it is not deserved, for showing compassion when punishment is warranted and showing love when discipline is justified.  Let me never take any of it for granted, and help me show the same kind of grace to others.

Desperate Times...Non-desperate Measures

Day 22 of 365...

Genesis 30-31

Key Passages/Thoughts:

Gen 30:1-2, 22 - "When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she envied her sister. 'Give me sons, or I will die!'" she said to Jacob.  Jacob became angry with Rachel and said, 'Am I in God's place, who has withheld children from you?'…'Then God remembered Rachel. He listened to her and opened her womb.'"

God's timing is always perfect, and His ways are always right.  While I realize that may sound a bit cliche, the truth behind those words is infallible.  Rachel wanted so much to bear children for Jacob, but God's timing wasn't matching up to what Rachel wanted the timing to be.  I have to admit that I am just like Rachel.  There are times when I want something so bad that I force the issue.  I become so impatient waiting on God that I begin making poor decisions and suffer because of them.  Rachel did the same thing.  She decided to give Jacob her slave, Bilhah.  She wanted to build her family through her slave!  It's amazing what kind of decisions people make when they are desperate.  I certainly fall in to that category.  There's even a saying for it, "desperate times call for desperate measures."  The more that I encounter these situations, the more I realize the fallacy in those words.  When times become desperate, the worst decision I can make is to take desperate measures.  I am beginning to realize that I should always be desperate!  I should be so reliant on God that I desperately need Him on a daily basis.  In those situations, though, I should rest and be patient and not rush into any decision without listening to what God wants me to do.  Now, that's an intimidating proposition, but, consider the alternative.  If I don't live my life in desperate need of God's intervention, then I live an empty, superficial existence.  I would walk around worrying about what mask I should put on for each situation I encounter.  I would have my white picket fence around my perfectly manicured yard, beautiful wife (which I do have-wohoo!!), 2.1 kids, 401k and family sedan while wearing my fake smile with my barbecue apron that reads, "Grill Master."  Inside, though, I would be tired, confused, worried...I'd be dying!  Instead, I get to experience the adventure that God sets out for me.  I get to draw nearer and nearer to the heart of the One who Created the universe and listen to Him guide me through life.  I don't have to worry about my appearance to others...I focus on purifying myself in the blood Jesus shed.  I'd rather live a life of adventure as opposed to living a life worried about what others thought of me.  I wish that I could say that I've got this nailed down, that I'm living exactly that way.  I'm not, but that's the goal! 


What's the payoff?  Well, verse 22 says that, "God remembered Rachel."  I don't think that means that God forgot.  It means that God decided that now was the time for Rachel to bear children.  God knows my desires, my wants and my needs.  However, not all of those things are good for me or fit into His plan or His timing.  The payoff for me is that God begins to show me how my desires, wants, needs, talents, etc. match up with His plan. Then, I get to use those things to join Him in what He's doing!  It is then that I see what a great adventure this life is.  That is a payoff worth working towards.


God, continue to purge me of the things that are not from You.  Help me to care only about what You think about me and not others.  

Doing Work

Day 21 of 265...

Genesis 27-29

Key Passages/Thoughts:

Gen 29:28-30 - "And Jacob did just that. He finished the week of celebration, and Laban gave him his daughter Rachel as his wife.  And Laban gave his slave Bilhah to his daughter Rachel as her slave.  Jacob slept with Rachel also, and indeed, he loved Rachel more than Leah. And he worked for Laban another seven years. "

How willing am I to work for something I want?  I must be honest...there  are many times in my life when I ask God for something and expect it to be given to me automatically.  However, I was reminded, by reading this passage today, that there are times that I need to work for what I am wanting from God.  For instance, let's say that God brings to my attention that I need more patience.  I usually follow that request up with a prayer and expect to all of a sudden have more patience.  The reality is a bit different, though.  God will point out that I need more patience.  I pray toward that end.  Then, the opportunities to practice patience come at me like a freight train, and I get flattened like  a pancake.  Jacob worked for 14 years (7 before and 7 after to fulfill his commitment) in order to achieve his goal, which was having Rachel as his wife.  As I begin to look at my life, there are only two things that I've done (or worked on) for that long.  First, my relationship with my wife.  We started dating over 15 years ago, and our relationship is something that I work on every day.  Although I may not have success every day, due to my hard headedness, it is something I will always work tirelessly to improve.  The only other thing I have done for that long is go to school.  In the end, I received a degree, which would mean that my work ended in achievement.  As I begin to look at other areas in my life, I begin to realize that there are areas that need improvement, and I have to be willing to put in the work, even if it takes 14 years.  God give me endurance and motivation to achieve the goals You have for me.  Help me to stay focused on what is important and not give in to the temptation to quit or become distracted.

Understanding Spiritual Gifts

Day 20 of 365...

Genesis 25-26

Key Passages/Thoughts:

Gen 25:32 - "'Look,' said Esau, 'I'm about to die, so what good is a birthright to me?'"

How often do I give up the best that God has for me in order to get something that is lesser?  Esau sets a perfect example of how to give up the best thing for him in order to satisfy a desire that is temporary.  Man do I fall in this category more than I want to admit sometimes.  I think that one of Satan's key tactics is distraction.  There are times when God has told me something to do, something He's gifted me to do, and I get distracted by something else or some other temptation.  I think that this is HUGE for Christ followers to understand.  God has gifted each of us with specific gifts that He wants us to use.  For instance, I am NOT gifted at preschool or children's ministry.  I AM gifted at leadership, teaching and giving.  If someone were to approach me and ask me to serve in the children's ministry and I agreed, I am clearly not using my gifts to their fullest.  Not to mention, I feel like I would be hindering someone who was gifted in that ministry from using their God given gifts.  I think that it's vitally important for Christ followers to know their spiritual gifts and look for the best way to use them.  How, you may ask, do I use my gifts?  God gifted me with the ability to play guitar as well, so, I feel that God can use me best in the avenue of music/worship and teaching.  I play in the band at my church, and I help give leadership to the youth band.  I try to help them understand what it means to lead worship , and how to lead worship.  I also look for opportunities to teach or lead my peers or youth, since I feel that I have that ability.  I'm also gifted in giving, so I look and listen for opportunities to give of my money, gifts and time.  I cannot stress enough the importance of knowing your spiritual gifts...that is the first step in the process.  The next step in the process is prayer.  Pray and ask God to show you the best way your gifts can be used.  Next, look and listen for opportunities to use those gifts and dive in!  In my opinion, if we all understood our gifts and used them to the best of our ability, every need in the church would be met.  Let me repeat that...there would never be a need in the church!  If you look through Acts, you will notice that God organized His church in such a way that all needs were met.  It doesn't matter what the need is...money, service, teaching, whatever.  I think I/we have a lot more to learn when it comes to my/our spiritual gifts.  God grant me the understanding as to how you want to use my gifts and talents to their fullest. 

Trusting God and Praying Specifically

Day 19 of 365... 

Genesis 22-24

Key Passages/Thoughts:

Gen 22:2-4,8 - "'Take your son,' He said, 'your only son Isaac, whom you love, go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about.'  So early in the morning Abraham got up, saddled his donkey, and took with him two of his young men and his son Isaac. He split wood for a burnt offering and set out to go to the place God had told him about...Abraham answered, 'God Himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son.'  Then the two of them walked on together."

My son was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis when he was 3 months old.  After my wife and I went through the "why" phase of dealing with it, God brought this story to mind.  My wife and I began to realize that God was telling us that our son was like Isaac, and we were to be like Abraham.  We realized early in his life that we would have to lay our son on the "altar," so to speak, on a daily basis.  God loves our son more than we ever could, and we know that God has something special in store for him.  However, it's easy to want to take over the controls when it comes to your own child.  It is then that I am reminded of this story.  Abraham showed ultimate faith and trust.  In the face of having to sacrifice his only son, Abraham believed that God would provide the lamb that was needed for the offering.  Abraham trusted God even as he was binding up his only son and placing him on the altar.  He trusted God even as he raised the knife to "slaughter his son."  You want to talk about passing a test with flying colors.  There were times when my son's life was hanging in the balance (on several occasions), and I could hear God whisper, "Do you still trust me?"  Honestly, there were times when I thought I did, but the reality was that I didn't.  I have never had my faith tested more!  However, through all the struggles, all the pain and suffering, I began to lay my son on the altar more and more and trust that God had it under control even when the doctors didn't.  This story strikes a chord deep within my soul.  My prayer is that as I journey on with my son through his inevitable struggles with this disease that God grants me the courage to help him face these battles with a sense of purpose and resolve. 

Gen 24:42-44 - "'Today when I came to the spring, I prayed: Lord, God of my master Abraham, if only You will make my journey successful!  I am standing here at a spring. Let the virgin who comes out to draw water, and I say to her: Please let me drink a little water from your jug, and who responds to me, 'Drink, and I'll draw water for your camels also'—let her be the woman the Lord has appointed for my master's son."

How specific are you when you pray?  This brings me back to my last post.  We need to stop praying in generalities.  One of the advantages of praying specifically is that you can see when God answers your prayers!  For instance, after my wife and I got married, we planned to go to seminary in Fort Worth, Texas.  While in seminary, we both felt that I should serve on a church staff somewhere.   We began to pray for a church that was looking for a youth minister and that had a house for the youth minister to live in, which very few churches have.  I think you see where this is heading...we received a phone call from a church in Seagoville, Texas that fit all those criteria.  God answered our specific prayers.  Even after that experience, I don't always pray specifically.  I know...it doesn't make any sense.  I'm just thick headed sometimes.  However, I've begun to realize the importance of praying with confidence and praying with specificity.  The more I read about the things God did through prayer in the Bible, the more I realize that I need to pray in that manner.  God is just waiting for us to pray with that kind of power!  It's time to stop limiting God with our prayers and our ideas of what He can do!  I pray that God continues to break down my ideas about Him and replace them with the realities of who He is!

Recognizing God and Praying with Effectiveness

Day 18 of 365...

Genesis 19-21

Key Passages/Thoughts:

Gen 19:1-2 - "When Lot saw them, he got up to meet them. He bowed with his face to the ground and said, 'My lords, turn aside to your servant's house, wash your feet, and spend the night. Then you can get up early and go on your way.'"

Do I recognize God?  There are times in my life when I'm so busy that I feel like I miss God.  No matter how hard I try, or how may reminders I give myself, I still miss God on a daily basis.  I think that my problem is just that…"I" try.  If my life were totally relinquished to God, then I wouldn't have this problem.  Lot recognized God's messengers without having to stop and think, "I wonder if this is someone God sent my way."  He KNEW!!  This brings up another issue for me...I always stop and try to rationalize what I need to do.  Remember in the New Testament when Jesus said that, "whenever you did it to the least of these, you did it to Me."  This statement continues to haunt me due to the fact that I feel like I miss some of those "least of these" opportunities.  I have to live intentionally!  God gives me chances to reach out to the least of these every week, and it's my job to be aware of those chances and act.  No excuses!

Gen 20:17-18 - "Then Abraham prayed to God, and God healed Abimelech, his wife, and his female slaves so that they could bear children"

How's your prayer life?  This is one area in my life that I continue to try and improve upon.  There are times when I feel like my prayer life is lacking.  However, instead of being discouraged about it, I turn that into motivation to press through the difficult times.  God commanded us to pray continually.  I feel as though that is an attitude.  Most days, I am in a spirit of prayer throughout the day.  When God brings someone to mind, I usually pray for that person and that person's family.  However, I feel as though we miss out on how effective prayer can be.  Throughout these first few weeks of reading through the Bible, there have been a few instances where God told someone to have a particular person pray for them so that they could be healed or restored.  That is a perfect example of powerful, effective prayer.  The power of prayer has always been an area that has baffled me.  I feel that there is an area of prayer that I have yet to "tap" into.  In Biblical times, there were some powerful things that happened because of prayer...people healed, armies conquered, lives restored, jail doors flung open.  I have the same God these people did, yet my prayers pale in comparison.  One big reason is because I put limits on God.  God, if You would just heal (fill in the blank), but if You don't (fill in the blank).  It's almost like I don't believe that He'll heal, so my prayer is more about the coping aspect of the situation.  However, why can't my prayer just be for healing.  Pray and believe that God wants to heal that individual.  I learned a few years ago that to truly intercede for someone in prayer, you have to put yourself in the situation and determine the best way to pray for the person.  Think about the pain they may have, the questions they may be asking, the concerns they are facing.  It is then that you can pray with more effectiveness.  I continue to yearn for God to give me more understand as to how to pray more effectively.  It's all part of the process, I believe.  The more and more I die to myself and my desires, the more God makes me aware of His, and the more He gives me understanding as to how to pray with effectiveness.

To Laugh or To Act

Day 17 of 365...

Genesis 16-18

Key Passages/Thoughts:

Gen 16:13 - "So she named the Lord who spoke to her: The God Who Sees, for she said, 'Have I really seen here the One who sees me?'"

It is so encouraging to have the accounts where the Lord spoke to someone written down.  All throughout Scripture we have instances where the Lord spoke to...fill in the blank.  The other importance of this verse to me is that Hagar is aware of the fact that God sees her and everything she does.  This is both humbling and encouraging.  I have to admit that this scares me sometimes.  God sees everything I do!  I have heard this my whole life.  However, the more I think about it and try to truly understand that statement, the more I realize that this should be motivation.  There should be no fear involved.  While I am ashamed of some of the things that God has seen me do, and some of the things I will inevitably do, that doesn't mean I should be afraid.  God cares about me enough to watch over me.  It is my own shame and pride that causes the fear.  I pray that God continues to be the "God who sees" in my life, because, if He wasn't, there's no telling how bad things would be. 

Gen 17:17-18 - "Abraham fell to the ground, laughed, and thought in his heart, 'Can a child be born to a hundred-year-old man? Can Sarah, a ninety-year-old woman, give birth?'"

Gen 18:11-12 - "Abraham and Sarah were old and getting on in years. Sarah had passed the age of childbearing.  So she laughed to herself: 'After I have become shriveled up and my lord is old, will I have delight?'"

Have you ever heard God tell you something and had the kind of reaction Abraham and Sarah had?  There are times that God asks us to do some things that are off our radar, so to speak.  There are also times that the things He asks of us bring about this same type of reaction...laughter.  Almost as if we are asking God, "You want me to do what?"  The funny part of this scenario, though, is that it is obviously God speaking because I would never have thought to do what was asked of me.  It is in these moments that I am reminded of God's bigger plan.  Then, the question that I'm faced with is, do I want to participate or not?  It's quite humbling, actually.  Although the request may be strange, God has asked me to be a part of what He is doing!  It brings up a point that I talked about before ...why is it that I can't just say, "Yes" to God.  No matter the question, the trial, the circumstance, why can't I just say, "Yes."  God give me the courage to respond to whatever you ask of me in a way that would be pleasing to You.  Help me not to question You and trust that Your ways are best for me.

Building Altars

Day 16 of 365...

Genesis 12-15

Gen 12:7-8 - "So he built an altar there to the Lord who had appeared to him.  From there he moved on to the hill country east of Bethel and pitched his tent, with Bethel on the west and Ai on the east. There he built an altar to the Lord and worshiped Him."

Where do I build altars?  In the Old Testament, people built altars to remember what God did for them.  In some cases, they would name the altar so that their descendants could see the altar for years to come and be reminded what God did for their people.  Building an altar meant something to them.  Today, our society builds all kinds of altars...the right car, the right job, college football team, or maybe it's success,  the corner office, the perfect kids.  There are a lot of things I build altars for, but God is asking me to remember the things He's done.  Where are His altars?  While mental altars are okay, I think having a visual reminder of what God has done is more effective.  I'm not saying I need to go get some stones and build an altar in my living room, but I am saying that I should have a visual reminder of when God spared me from something or delivered me from something.  It would serve as a reminder of what God is capable of.  Plus, I can use it to tell the story to my kids, my guests and anyone who will listen.  What would that look like?  I don't know that I could answer that because I haven't done it yet.  However, maybe it's as simple as a cross on a wall that is bought after God delivered you from a sin that you were struggling with.  Perhaps it's a piece of jewelry, maybe a piece of pottery...I don't know.  I'm just shooting from the hip here.  I'd be willing to bet that if we all started building altars to God, a few things would happen.  First, we'd leave a legacy for our kids.  They would be reminded of what God is capable of doing.  Second, we'd continue to move forward in our relationship with God instead of regressing because we would constantly be reminded of God's provision.  Finally, we'd bring people along in the journey.  Anytime someone would ask a question about it, God would receive all the glory as we tell the story of His deliverance.  If we had that many reminders of God's power among all His people, we would definitely see God moving in our society!

Gen 15:6 - "Abram believed the Lord, and He credited it to him as righteousness."

It's a pretty simple statement, but it's not so simple in application.  "Abram believed the Lord."  What is it that makes me question God when He says something?  God continually promised Abram that his descendants would outnumber the stars, but Abram and hi s wife hadn't had a child yet.  He was beginning to wonder how he was going to have that many descendants when he hasn't had one!  However, as the story points out, Abram trusted God at His word and that was that.  In my life, unfortunately, that's not all there is when God tells me something.  There are times when I take what God says and believe and that's it.  However, more often than not, I hear what God says and my initial response is to start asking questions.  Fear begins to grip my mind as to how I can do what God just told me.  That is when God reminds me that He just wants me to believe Him...bottom line.  There is no more delicate or intricate way of putting it.  God wants me to take Him as His word and trust Him.  It is then that God will credit that to me as righteousness.  I pray that God will give me the courage to do so.

Restoration

Day 15 of 365...


Job 40-42

Job 42:1-6 - "Then Job replied to the Lord: I know that You can do anything and no plan of Yours can be thwarted.  You asked, 'Who is this who conceals My counsel with ignorance?'  Surely I spoke about things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.  You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak.  When I question you, you will inform Me.'  I had heard rumors about You, but now my eyes have seen You.  Therefore I take back my words and repent in dust and ashes."

Job says this on the back end of God proclaiming His power and  might.  God goes through a few chapters of a list that is pretty impressive.  It make me think about how little I give God credit for.   My little finite mind cannot comprehend what it takes for God to keep things going on a daily basis.  God gives a little taste of what that entails to Job.  When I read this list of things, I can't help but respond similarly to what Job did.  It makes my pain and suffering seem awfully insignificant in the grand scheme of things.  However, I am reminded that God, in the midst of all that He maintains, cares for me enough that He wants me to learn something and experience Him in a new way.  He cares for me enough that He wants to discipline me so that His eternal plan can be fulfilled in some infinitesimal way through me.  I say that with no pride or egotism!  God truly wants to use each of us to carry out His eternal plan...that's humbling.  Just as God used Moses, Daniel, Peter, Paul, Martin Luther, George Muller, Billy Graham, Gladys Aylward, and list goes on...He wants to use me.  However, I have to be willing to be prepared spiritually in order for that to occur.  Until I'm willing to answer God's questions of me, then He can't use me to the fullest.  Just as Job did, as soon as God begins to ask His questions and give me His perspective, I should respond by taking back my words and repent in dust and ashes.  I think that job is a perfect example of how to endure through difficult times.  I've spoken on this before, but the cycle is worth instilling into our memory. 

First of all, when the "event" happens, there is an initial response to God.  When I make this initial response, it is me trying to frame what has just happened in my mind.  After I make this response, and I think I have it framed in my mind, I begin the questioning process with God.  Who, what, why, you name it and I ask it.  At this point, God is still silent.  He's still allowing the emotional cycle to spin until this next step...exhaustion.  After I've exhausted all my questions and emotions, I am at the end of my understanding and myself, for that matter.  It is here where I tell God that I have nothing left, and it is here where God meets me with His divine wisdom.  The lessons that I learn during this time mean more because of process I went through to get there, and I think God knows that.  In my life, wisdom learned through suffering and pain lasts longer than wisdom learned during the "good times."  The last part of the process using the knowledge and wisdom God imparted in this process with someone else.  This takes a bit of humility because I have to be willing to admit where I messed up and how God restored me.  However, to me, this is also the payoff!  It is in these moments that I realize that all the struggle, pain and tears were all worth it for that particular moment.

Job 42:12 - "So the Lord blessed the latter part of Job's life more than the earlier."

The ending to Job's story is one of restoration.  God restored his family, his possessions and his prosperity.  However, the tendency here is to think that God will give us those things, too.  I think God restores  each of us in different ways.  We have to be careful not to fall into the "prosperity gospel" crowd after reading this.  God's will restore us, but it may be in a different way than what we are expecting because His ways are not ours.  The way that I read this, as opposed to prosperity, is that God restored Job's relationships.  He restored his family and his friends (even those who spoke falsely).  So, when difficult times come, I pray for restoration, but, I pray that I am aware of how God restores me because it's not always how I expect.  I am so thankful that His understanding and plans are far beyond mine!

Conquering My "Core" Sins

Day 14 of 365...


Job 38-39

Job 38:1-3 - "Then the Lord answered Job from the whirlwind. He said: 'Who is this who obscures My counsel with ignorant words?  Get ready to answer Me like a man; when I question you, you will inform Me.'"

First of all, we have finally reached the conversation between Job and God.  We no longer have to hear from friends making conjectures about things.  We hear from God Himself!  That is why I love verse 1 of chapter 38!  It says the LORD answered Job.  I think it's important to note something else...not only did God, Himself, speak, but I find the timing in which God spoke interesting.  God could have answered Job at any point during this whole process, but God decided to wait until Job "got it all out."  This is just another example of how BIG my God is.  He can handle my anger, distress, discouragement, confusion, sorrow, or anything else I can throw at Him.  When all my emotions are exhausted, God is still standing there ready to respond, just like He does here with Job.  The last thing to point out about this short passage is this...after Job has thrown all his emotions and verbal jabs at God, God responds by saying that Job must now answer Him like a man.  Whatever God asks Job, he must be prepared to give a response.  I think this is an important lesson to learn.  In my opinion, this is the final step in the process of what God wants me to learn.  First, I must come to the end of myself because that's where I finally relinquish control to God.  Then, I must be prepared to listen to what God has to say.  Finally, I must be willing to answer the tough questions that God will inevitably ask.  In my experience, the questions that God asks me cut straight to the core of what the issue is.  While I think I may be struggling with an anger problem, let's say, God points out that anger is just the end product of a deeper issue that needs to be resolved.  Chip Ingram said in his book "Living on the Edge" that there are only 3 core sins, but the by-products of those sins are limitless (I actually added the last part).  The 3 core sins are:

1. The lust of the flesh = the passion "to feel" -this is hedonism.
2. The lust of the eyes = the passion "to have" -this is materialism.
3. The pride of life = the passion "to be" -this is egotism and self-centeredness.

So, it's "simple" really...all I have to do is conquer 3 core sins!  Well, the only good news is that there are only 3, not 10 or 20.  The bad news is that there are a lot of "by-products" that I have to work through in order to get to the "core."  This is why the refining process is difficult the closer I get to the core of who I am.  God begins to ask some difficult questions that I don’t feel like answering sometimes.  However, I've found that I would rather face those questions than live in ignorance.  When I lived in ignorance, my life had no direction, my marriage was a disaster due to my egotism, and I felt dead inside.  When God began the refining process, it was difficult to endure (and still is) at times.  But, the results of the process were a life with a clear direction, a marriage that has never been better than it is right now, and a well of life that springs up from inside me.  Now, when God asks His questions of me, He digs a whole lot deeper, and it's difficult to answer Him, at times.  However, I continue to pray that He gives me the strength to continue to answer Him like a man.

Tested by Affliction

Day 13 of 365...


Job 35-37


Job 36:15-17,21 - "God rescues the afflicted by afflicting them; He instructs them by means of their torment.  Indeed, He lured you from the jaws of distress to a spacious and unconfined place.  Your table was spread with choice food.  Yet now you are obsessed with the judgment due the wicked; judgment and justice have seized you...Be careful that you do not turn to iniquity, for that is why you have been tested by affliction."


I'm pretty sure that I've already said some of things that I garnered from these verses, but some of them bear repeating.  First of all, Elihu is still delivering his diatribe to Job and all who will hear.  The first verse of this passage struck me.  You would think that the way to deliver someone from their suffering is to remove them from it.  However, this contradicts the way God works.  In order for Him to instruct us, He has to get our attention first.  I'm not saying that the only way to get our attention is through suffering and torment, but, it is one of the means He can use.  I don't know about everyone else, but I know that, when I'm suffering, I am more willing to listen and learn from God than when times are good.  This begs the question, "Why don't I listen better in the good times?"  Well, that's a valid question that I don't have an answer for.  It is comforting to know that God "rescues" me from my affliction through my affliction, though.  I have come to realize that I don't want to have to go through all the hard times in my life for no reason.  I want there to be a purpose behind the pain.  Thankfully, God uses the things I've learned through my pain and suffering to help others going through similar circumstances, which makes going through those things worthwhile.  It's worthwhile because God taught me something through it, and I was able to encourage someone with the lesson that God taught me.


Then, Elihu points out how God provided for Job.  God delivered him out of distress and filled his table with choice food.  Now, Job is complaining that all that God blessed him with was taken away.  Again, you can't have it both ways.  I have to be thankful for what God gives me, but I also have to be thankful for what He decides to take away.  In both cases, God deems it necessary in order for me to live up to my potential in Him.  Then, in verse 21, Elihu states, "Be careful that you do not turn to iniquity, for that is why you have been tested by affliction."  This is the biggest temptation during trying times.  The temptation is to turn to iniquity and not wait on God.  However, I've discovered that the best way to plan for trying times (because they will come) is to continue to be in God's Word and in prayer.  The reason being is twofold.  First, God wants to spend one on one time with me.  The second reason, which is just as important, is that through that time I spend with Him, I learn what His voice sounds like.  This is an important thing to remember, especially during those hard times.  If I know what my Heavenly Father's voice sounds like, then, when I cry out to Him in those difficult times, I will be able to discern His voice through all the noise.  It will also keep me from turning to iniquity, because His voice will guide me through barren lands.  It's my job to prepare for the hard times when times are good.  I have to put the work in ahead of time.  Otherwise, when affliction comes, and it will, then I won't do so well under the pressure.  God give me the discernment to know what Your voice sounds like, and give me the strength to endure the afflictions that will come my way.

Never Too Young for Wisdom...Never Too Old for Humility

Day 12 of 365...


Job 32-34



Job 32:6-9 - "I am young in years, while you are old; therefore I was timid and afraid to tell you what I know.  I thought that age should speak and maturity should teach wisdom.  But it is a spirit in man and the breath of the Almighty that give him understanding.  It is not only the old who are wise or the elderly who understand how to judge."


There's a younger man listening to Job and his friends go back and forth, and his name was Elihu.  On a side note, I wonder how "young" he was because people were living for a long time back then.  Was he ONLY 150?  Anyway, I digress....  Elihu speaks with a good amount of wisdom and understanding.  He is tired of hearing Job's friends condemning him and not speaking truth into his life.  He is also tired of Job because Job, according to verse 2, was justifying himself instead of God.  Finally, Elihu had enough and decided to speak.  Usually, young men were the ones disputing things and the elder men acted as moderators, but in this instance, the roles are reversed.  This passage was encouraging to me because Elihu understands where wisdom comes from.  He also points out that just because you are old doesn't mean that you are wise.  The challenge here for me is to rely on the Almighty for my wisdom and understanding.  I've been in situations where I've spoken from my own "wisdom," and, surprisingly, it failed to resound with the person receiving such "wise" counsel.  However, I've also been in situations where I could feel the Spirit speak through me, and, what the Spirit told me say, was exactly what that person needed at that time.  The goal is for that to happen every time!


Job 33:12-16 - "But I tell you that you are wrong in this matter, since God is greater than man.  Why do you take Him to court for not answering anything a person asks?  For God speaks time and again, but a person may not notice it.  In a dream, a vision in the night, when deep sleep falls on people as they slumber on their beds, He uncovers their ears at that time and terrifies them with warnings,"


I love this particular passage!  Elihu talks about different ways God tries to communicate to us.  I hear God speak to me through many different avenues.  I've had Him speak to me through a song, a movie, a friend, my wife, and many other things.  However, the problem I tend to have is that I'm not listening all the time.  There are days where the busyness of the day overwhelms me, and I don't listen as well as I should.  It is in those moments where I am acutely aware of God speaking to me that I long for more of those moments.  The idea is to try and cut out the distractions that I have.  There are times when I need to slow things down or even refocus myself to be in tune with what God is trying to say to me.  The other key to hearing from God, for me, is to want to hear what He has to say.  There are times when I'm scared of what God may say, so I don't exactly seek His input.  It is then that I realize that I can't have it both ways.  Otherwise, it turns God into a Santa of sorts.  I only want the blessings He gives me and not the correction.  It is then that God's voice is harder to hear, because that's not how He operates.    


Job 34:31-33 - "Suppose someone says to God, 'I have endured my punishment; I will no longer act wickedly.  Teach me what I cannot see; if I have done wrong, I won't do it again.'  Should God repay you on your terms when you have rejected His?  You must choose, not I!  So declare what you know."


Elihu paints a perfect picture as to how to approach God.  Many times, I approach God on my terms, but, Elihu points out that God needs to be approached on His terms.  If I truly want to learn what God wants me to learn, then I have to submit to His way of teaching.  While that's easy to say, putting that into practice is where it becomes quite difficult.  I think that this is where the breakdown tends to happen.  Why?  God tends to ask me to do things that are uncomfortable.  No one really enjoys being uncomfortable, but it is in that discomfort that understanding happens.  I have reached a point in my life where I want to seek ways of being uncomfortable, which goes against everything society teaches.  The way I see it, though, is the more uncomfortable I am, the more God is working in and through me.  It is a humbling process, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Shedding Layers and Owning Mistakes

Day 11 of 365...


Job 29-31


Job 30:24-25 - "Yet no one would stretch out his hand against a ruined man when he cries out to him for help because of his distress.  Have I not wept for those who have fallen on hard times?  Has my soul not grieved for the needy?"



This passage is the beginning of Job racking his mind to determine where he might have gone wrong.  It's almost as if this is a last ditch effort to plead his case for relief from all that's going on.  Who can blame him?  To me, this all leads back to the refining process that I've talked about before.  If I truly want to experience God with the depth He wants, then there are some things in my life that need to be purged (the refining process).  Here's how I view the process.  First, God points out, through different avenues (Scripture, spouse, pastor's sermon, etc.), something that He wants gone from my life.  I go through a mourning process of losing something, which is ridiculous.  I have an epiphany that this is actually a good thing because it draws me nearer to the heart of God (should realize this at the beginning of the process).  God helps me remove that stumbling block (not easy).  Then, I start the process over again.  Here is what I've come to realize...the closer you get to the core of who you are, the harder the refining process is.  For example, when you first give you life over to the Lord, He may start the refining process by telling you to stop cussing.  While that may seem difficult at the time, in the grand scheme of things, it's a cake walk compared to what He wants you to give up or change down the road.  The deeper you continue to press into God, the harder the process will become.  However, the reward is that much greater, too!  My prayer is that I don't have to go through what Job went through as part of my refining process.  However, as I continue to press in to God, the more I realize that it doesn't matter because the fellowship is so sweet!


Job 31:35-36 - "If only I had someone to hear my case!  Here is my signature; let the Almighty answer me.  Let my Opponent compose His indictment.  I would surely carry it on my shoulder and wear it like a crown."


At this point, Job is finishing up presenting his case.  He has gone through just about every example of where he might have gone wrong.  This passage is important to me because it is a perfect example of what many people don't do today.  Job is "owning" his possible mistakes.  What do I mean by that?  I've noticed today that when someone makes a mistake, the tendency is to blame someone else for it.  It's never that person's fault.  It a very rare thing for someone to say, "I did it.  I'm sorry.  I'll take whatever punishment is coming to me."  I'm guilty of passing blame or making excuses, too!  However, Job sets a perfect example of what I need to do in every situation.  He says that he will carry his indictment on his shoulder and wear it like a crown.  God has definitely made great strides with me in this area, but there is always room for improvement.  The good news is that I'm not alone.  We all screw up!  Isn't that a relief?!?  It takes more courage and more fortitude to own up to my mistakes and learn from them than to shy away from them and blame someone or something else.  I pray God gives me the strength to not make mistakes, and when I do, the courage to "own" them and be better because of them.

Clear Conscience and Deep Roots

Day 10 of 365...


Job 24-28



Job 27:3-6 - "as long as my breath is still in me and the breath from God remains in my nostrils, my lips will not speak unjustly, and my tongue will not utter deceit.  I will never affirm that you are right.  I will maintain my integrity until I die.  I will cling to my righteousness and never let it go.  My conscience will not accuse me as long as I live!"


This is the age of instant everything...instant coffee, fast food, instant access to information.  I can now find out instant information about my friends and family through avenues such as Facebook and Twitter.  While most of these things aren't inherently bad, there are times that I don't (as well as others) necessarily thing about what I'm going to say (or type).  Actually, going through the Bible in a year and this blog has given me the opportunity to practice the discipline of thinking about what I'm going to say before I say it.  Job addresses this to a certain degree in the passage above.  He says, "my lips will not speak unjustly, and my tongue will not utter deceit."  While the context is not necessarily the same, I still believe the concept is still applicable.  Then, he speaks of integrity and righteousness.  These ideas are preached to us at a young age.  However, it isn't until you are faced with a situation where these have to be put into practice that who you are will be defined.  Job knew how he was going to respond in these situations.  I pray that I face them with the same confidence and resolve.  That way, I can state the same Job did, "My conscience will not accuse me as long as I live."


Job 28:25-28 - "When God fixed the weight of the wind and limited the water by measure, when He established a limit for the rain and a path for the lightning, He considered wisdom and evaluated it; He established it and examined it.  He said to mankind, "Look! The fear of the Lord—that is wisdom, and to turn from evil is understanding." 


In Chapter 28, Job goes on a discourse about wisdom and understanding.  He defines wisdom as having fear of the Lord, and understanding as turning from evil.  While Webster's Dictionary may not define these words like that, I think Job is on to something.  After all, where does wisdom come from and who gives us understanding?  In fact, verse 27 actually states that God established wisdom.  Consider this, with what Job has been through, it would seem that understanding may be one of the things that Job might be struggling with at this point.  However, even through all of his pain and losses, he is still able to state that understanding is to turn away from evil.  For Job, the easy way out would have been to curse God and die, but, Job's beliefs were so strong and so grounded that he was still able to have the wisdom and understanding to turn away from evil and endure.  I want my beliefs and knowledge to be rooted that deep so that when the winds of pain and torment come, God will be my strength to endure.

Little Me and Daily Food

Day 9 of 365...


Job 21-23


Job 21:7 - "Why do the wicked continue to live, growing old and becoming powerful?"


You know, it's easy to look at someone else's situation and make comparisons (whether good or bad).  However, I have come to the realization that everyone has "junk" that they're dealing with.  In this verse, Job is doing the same thing, and I'm guilty of it as well.  In the middle of a difficult situation, it's easy to look at someone else and think that they are better off.  I think Satan uses that as a discouragement tactic.  My brain goes directly to what Job went on a rant about. Why is it that when you look at some "bad" people, they seem to be so well off? When you look at some "God-fearing" people, they are in dire straits.  When those thoughts come in my head, I'm reminded that I am in no place to question the way God works.  Why do bad things happen to good people...because there is sin in this world!  I have to reiterate what I've said before...God uses this process to help us connect with Him in a way that we haven't before.  It is there that I can put my hope.  


Job 22:2 - "Can a man be of any use to God?  Can even a wise man be of use to Him?"


Apparently, this might be the year that God finally shatters my pride completely...at least, that's my hope.  (I pray He does so gingerly.)  Eliphaz is up to bat for the third time here in Chapter 22.  Again, he takes his swings at Job without relenting.  However, he makes a valid point here.  This pride shattering verse is in this book for a reason, and I thinks it's because I need to realize that I have nothing to give God apart from Him working through me...an empty vessel.  There are no new, bright ideas I can tell Him...no wisdom to impart...no new tactic as to how approach those who still don't know Him.  In reality, that's a relief, because that means there's no pressure.  My job is to continually empty myself of me and be filled with Him.  If I can do that, then everything else is a piece of cake.  However, it seems easy until you try it, so, that's why this is the year of dying.


Job 23:12 - "I have not departed from the commands of His lips; I have treasured the words of His mouth more than my daily food."


I would love to be able to make the same statement that Job made here.  However, too many times I depart from the commands God gives me.  I follow along with God to a point, then I decide that I can handle it from there on.  I am beginning to understand and realize, over the course of the last week and a half, that I am on the verge of treasuring God's Word more than my daily food.  When God uses His Word to speak to me directly, I can't wait to hear what He has to say next.  While there are always things that sting a little or things that I need to work on, I realize that I am hearing from the Creator of the universe!  He knows me by name, and He calls me His own!  I've also come to understand the damage I can create when I listen to God for a little while then try and do it on my own.  It never ends well.  My prayer is that when I look back on this year, I will be able to say that I trusted God more and more each day and that I treasured His Word in my heart because it meant more than my daily food.