Consume Me from the Inside Out

As a parent, there are times when I wonder how many times I have to say the same thing to my kids before they finally understand.  It is then that I catch a glimpse of what God goes through with me on a daily basis.  However, I also realize just how much grace God has shown me and that it inspires me to want to praise and thank Him.

One song that comes to mind when I think about God's grace and how it should change me is "From the Inside Out" written by Joel Houston.  The verse begins by saying, "A thousand times I've failed still Your mercy remains and should I stumble again still I'm caught in Your grace."  Then, the pre-chorus continues, "in my heart and my soul, Lord, I give you control, consume me from the inside out.  Let justice and praise become my embrace to love You from the inside out."  I have been thinking about the words of this song pretty regularly, and the thing that I still can't come to grips with  is the fact that God's grace is sufficient even for a sinner like me.  It doesn't matter how many times I fail, God's grace is sufficient.  It doesn't matter how many times we all fail, God's grace is sufficient.  So, I began to ask myself, "Why don't I act that way?"  His grace should inspire me to flush out all my sins to rest in His goodness.

God brought me to Nehemiah to shine a light on this very topic.  Nehemiah 9:16-17 says, "But our ancestors acted arrogantly; they became stiff-necked and did not listen to Your commands.  They refused to listen and did not remember Your wonders You performed among them.  They became stiff-necked and appointed a leader to return to their slavery in Egypt.  But You are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in faithful love, and You did not abandon them."

After I had read these verses, I realized that there are times in my life that I have become "stiff-necked" and didn't listen to God.  There are many times where I forget the "wonders" that God has performed in my life.  There are also times when I forget how forgiving, gracious, compassionate, patient, loving and faithful God is toward me.  It's ironic how, when I lose my focus on what God has done for me, He brings me back to His Word to set me straight!  You'd think that I would've learned this by now, but that's why it is so important for me to stay in the Word.  I would rather be corrected and disciplined by God through His Word instead of through something that happens to me.  In fact, a little earlier in the chapter, God reminded me how devoted all of His people should be.  Nehemiah 9:3 says, "While they stood in their places, they read from the book of the law of the Lord their God for a fourth of the day and spent another fourth of the day in confession and worship of the Lord their God."  Do I spend half my day reading, confessing and worshipping God?  Do I even spend a fourth of my day?  I began to realize how little of my day is truly spent trying to connect with God.  It is then that God started asking me how I was going to change that.

I am beginning to realize that, in order to come close to that kind of devotion, I need to be focused on Him constantly throughout my day.  I remember, at one point, one of my best friends would set an alarm to go off every hour to remind himself to maintain focus on Godly things.  For someone like me, that tip is invaluable.  It's so easy to lose focus on what God wants me to do because I get caught up in the busyness of the day.  I think it's about time that I give God my full effort throughout the day, not just when things slow down, or when I can fit Him in.  I remember hearing a story about Martin Luther.  He was becoming inundated with the busyness of his life, so his solution was to get up even earlier each day to spend even more time in prayer and worship.  He said that if he didn't do that, then the rest of his day would be useless because God wouldn't be in it.  Am I that dedicated?  When things become too busy, do I dedicate myself to even more time with God?  I am beginning to realize that Luther was right.  If I don't dedicate myself even more through the busy times, then my days are useless because God is not at the forefront.  When God becomes the driving force of my day, it is then that I can truly sing "in my heart and my soul, Lord, I give you control, consume me from the inside out."