Most of the time, after I sin, there is a period of feeling guilty or sorry for what I've done. Naturally, the next step in the process is to ask God for forgiveness. However, there are times when I ask for forgiveness knowing full well that I will probably do the same thing all over again. I like to call these types of sins...pocket sins. I stick them in my pocket and pull them out when I want. Others may call them guilty pleasures, or you can fill in the blank with whatever phrase. But, the real question that needs to be asked is, "Why hold on to those things?"
I finished up reading Ezra today and realized something...I need to learn true repentance. Ezra demonstrated what true repentance looks like, and what I began to realize is that it looks a lot like what true worship looks like. Here is what a picture of what true repentance looks like:
Ezra 8:23 - "So we fasted and pleaded with our God about this, and He granted our request."
While this verse is not specifically talking about repentance, it is talking about making requests to God. And, isn't asking for forgiveness making a request? When I read this verse, I realized that I have seldom sought God in such a way for any request, whether it was for forgiveness or something else. Ezra took it even one step further:
Ezra 9:6,15 - "My God, I am ashamed and embarrassed to lift my face toward You, my God, because our iniquities are higher than our heads and our guilt is as high as the heavens." "Lord God of Israel, You are righteous...here we are before You with our guilt, though no one can stand in Your presence because of this."
In these chapters, Ezra is referencing the fact that the God's people directly disobeyed commands that God had given them. So, Ezra was pleading to God for forgiveness without making any excuses. I have come to realize that I don't like owning up to mistakes that I have made. I tend to make excuses for my sins, when what God is asking of me is to lay it all bare before Him as Ezra did. In other words, no qualifications, no half-hearted repentance, He just wants honesty and humility. Ezra's example of contrition is something I need to learn from. How often do I fast, plead and fall face down in shame and embarrassment for any of my sins? It is a perfect example of how much I should hate the sins I commit. I take my forgiveness for granted...almost as if I only want temporary forgiveness. The reality is that I should despise all sin in my life and should not tolerate any aspect of it. Unless I am willing to approach all my sins with that approach to seeking forgiveness, I don't believe I will make any headway towards blotting out my sins. The reason I say that is because true repentance relies on God to cleanse me and take that will and desire from me. If I don't approach my sin in this way, then I am still relying on myself and my will power to try and win these battles.
I also believe that Ezra's example shows how I need to approach God in my worship. The more I read the Bible, the more I am beginning to realize that when people encountered God, their natural response is to fall face down in worship. The purpose of worship, at least in my life, is to experience God in a new and fresh way. However, if I don't truly seek repentance like Ezra did, then my worship offering to God is tainted. Let's apply this thought to Ezra 8:23. How often have I entered worship pleading that God speak to me in a new and fresh way? How often to I approach worship with all my baggage in tow, not willing to give that baggage up in order to humbly approach the Throne of Grace? The type of worship and repentance I am seeking after is exactly what Ezra is describing. I want to lay myself bare at the foot of the cross and tell God that I'm not worthy of anything He gives me. It is only in that broken state that God can begin to make our encounters together into something that would bring Him the most glory. So, I say, yes, God, break down those barriers of pride and comfort in order to bring me the humility I need to approach Your throne. Who's with me?
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