Sacrifice is defined by Merriam-Webster as, "destruction of surrender of something for the sake of something else." There are times in my life when I don't feel like worshipping God. There are times that I am angry at Him because of what I am having to endure. There are times that I am frustrated with Him because I prayed and begged and pleaded to Him for something, and it didn't turn out the way I had hoped. Then, I read a Scripture like Hebrews 13:15 (NIV), "Through Jesus, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise--the fruit of lips that openly profess His name. (emphasis added)" It doesn't say to offer praise when I feel like it, or if I feel like it. It says to continually offer a sacrifice of praise. I guess we're going to have to unpack that and see what that looks like since it's not a suggestion.
There are times that I approach worship out of celebration. I can't wait to worship God because of the things He has done for me. There are times that I approach worship in awe and wonder. I look forward to expanding my view of God because of how much I restrain Him in my life. There are times that I approach worship with a longing to experiencing God's presence as I lift praises to Him. I want to feel Him standing with me and wrapping His arms around me. There are times that I approach worship out of desperation. I am in dire need of God to show up and give me the strength I need to endure through my current circumstances.
Over the last few months, I have found myself approaching worship in the last way that I mentioned quite a bit. It reminded me of the old (upbeat I might add) praise hymn "We Bring the Sacrifice of Praise." What exactly is a sacrifice of praise? Let's start with the obvious. It means we need to worship God even when we don't feel like it. God deserves praise regardless of our situation. God's character has never changed and never will. I cannot allow the circumstances of my life to define my idea of who God is. He is much bigger than I ever allow Him to be. Therefore, although my circumstances overwhelm me, He is still good, He is still faithful, He is still gracious, and He is still love.
I heard an interview of a worship leader that I enjoy listening to, and she explained sacrificial worship like this (I have summarized it):
God paid the ultimate price to get rid of the space between me and Him. He went as far as He could go to get rid of the space between me and Him. So, whenever, I feel like there is space between us, it is because of something I must have done. I gave someone or something else that space, and it's my job to get rid of it. In worship, it's a constant choice to remove that space and ask God to come and fill it again.
Worship is not about getting something back...it's about taking the attention off of us and our circumstances and giving the focus to the One who deserves it. It's like a reset button for our emotions, our thoughts, and our ideas. In the Old Testament, there had to be a death, a sacrifice for atonement. In the New Testament, we see Jesus as our sacrifice and atonement. However, Jesus reminded us that we are to die daily and take up our cross to follow Him. Therefore, a sacrifice is still required on my behalf...it is a death to my will, my way, my desires, my ideas, my perspective, my emotions, and every other part of my life so that I can take up my cross and follow God. There is always pain involved with sacrifice because something else, another piece of me, is dying. So, when I hear the verse from Hebrews, I am reminded that this is my sacrifice of praise. When I approach worship from this perspective, it allows me to refocus on God's character and be reminded of who He is. Although I am going the difficult times and circumstances, I want to know, and I want people to know, that my circumstances do not define God. In fact, as God gives me endurance and grace to journey through them, I can shout from the rooftops that God is still faithful and true. My sacrifice of praise, recently, has led me to this song from Jesus Culture. I share these lyrics to encourage you to regain focus even during trying times.
"Rooftops" by Jesus Culture
Verse 1
Here I am before You, falling in love and seeking Your truth
Knowing that Your perfect grace has brought me to this place
Because of You I freely live, my life to You, oh God, I give
So I stand before You, God
I life my voice cause You set me free
Chorus 1
So I shout out Your name, from the rooftops I proclaim
That I am Yours, I am Yours
Verse 2
All the good You've done for me, I lift up my hands for all to see
You're the only One who brings me to my knees
To share this love across the earth, the beauty of Your holy worth
So I kneel before You, God
I lift my hands cause You set me free
Chorus 2
So I shout our Your name, from the rooftops I proclaim
That I am Yours, I am Yours
All that I am, I place into Your loving hands
And I am Yours, I am Yours
Bridge
Here I am, I stand, with arms wide open
To the One, the Son, the Everlasting God
Friday, January 31, 2014
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
I Said Yes to God....and then....
I think that one of the biggest myths about being a Christ Follower is that, by saying "Yes" to God, things in your life will get easier. While turning to God is definitely the answer to whatever situation you may find yourself in, He is not a get out of jail free card, nor has He promised that the road would be easy. Being a Christ follower is not for the faint of heart. I don't say that to discourage you. In fact, I hope that it encourages you to realize that God sees potential in you. He's calling you to a deeper knowledge and understanding of Him. What could be more important?
With that in mind, I want to say that your "Yes" to God will look different than mine. However, it doesn't make your "Yes" more or less important, more or less difficult, or more or less necessary. Let me share with you the lyrics of another one of my favorite praise songs right now...
"Oceans" by Hillsong United
Verse 1
You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep, my faith will stand
Chorus
And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
Verse 2
Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now
Bridge
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
You see, God is calling each of us to deeper water. Peter accepted the challenge as we see in Matthew 14:22-33. Not only that, but Peter was the only one who got out of the boat. The first challenge that we all face is getting out of the boat. Once we're on the water, the real journey begins. My journey of faith has seen many of these opportunities presented. The question that always presents itself is, "Do I have the courage to get out of the boat?" As I look back on the things God was calling me to do to follow Him more closely, I realized that there was a trend. It was difficult...every time. If I were to compare what God is asking of me right now to what He was asking of me 10 years ago, I would say that there is no comparison, what He's asking of me right now is much more difficult. However, it is my opinion that your current circumstances determine the difficulty of your "Yes." Initially, it was difficult for me to give up my comfort, my selfishness, my desires, and the rest of my self-focused traits. However, the more I said "Yes," the more I realized how much I was limiting God. God became bigger each time I gave up another piece of myself. Was it difficult...yes. Was it challenging...every time. Would I do it again...I'd like to think that I would. Thankfully, God has remained faithful, patience, gracious, and many other things throughout my journey of faith.
I've lived a lot of life in the 37 years I've been on this earth. I almost lost my son to a horrible disease when he was less than 2 years old. I've almost lost my wife to horrible skiing accident where she broke over 20 bones in her body. I almost lost my marriage because of my own selfishness and pride. I am in process of trying to keep my family together after adopting 2 boys to add to the 3 children we had already. I'm not using these examples to receive pity. I use these examples to prove that God is still faithful even when circumstances seem overwhelming. Read the lyrics to Verse 2 again. I am so thankful that God's grace abounds in deepest waters. In these moments of distress I cling to Philippians 1:6 (NLT), "And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." Let me state that this isn't a promise that God will make things easy. It is a promise that God will walk with us through the refining process. God will never leave us or forsake us, but we need to remember that refining something is painful and uncomfortable. By definition, refining means, "to remove the unwanted substances in something." The payoff is that you experience God in ways you would have never thought possible. God will open your eyes to the vastness of His mercy, the depth of His love and grace, the endlessness of His faithfulness, and so much more. It is then that you begin to realize that it was never about you to begin with, but you get to be a part of His story! I can speak from experience...that is most definitely enough. It's hard to see that sometimes, but in those moments where you feel God nearer than you ever have before, you know that the struggle is worth it.
As you journey down the "wormhole" of your walk with Christ, you will reach a point where you will think that life was so much easier before you started saying "Yes." The circumstances you find yourself in will seem so overwhelming that you wish you had never started saying "Yes." You are completely normal to have this thought! I think this is a lie the enemy uses on me all the time. In those moments, there's a quote that comes to mind from Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King...
"How do you pick up the threads of an old life. How do you go on? Within your heart, you begin to understand there is no going back. There are some things that time cannot mend, some hurts that go too deep that have taken hold."
I wrote about this quote while we were in Ukraine adopting our 2 boys, and I think it's useful here, too. Whenever you think things were easier or better before, I hope this encourages you to remember that God has you on the exact journey you are supposed to be on. Here is what I wrote:
"When Frodo said these words, they hit me like a ton of bricks. It made me realize that the reason that we are on the journey God has us on is because He wants us to return "home" differently. The times of mission work (whether local or abroad), the times of worship where you feel God's presence more deeply than ever before, the unity you feel with fellow believers when you share an experience together...all these things are building blocks for God to make us less and less comfortable with where we are right now. Upon our return "home," we should look around and think the very same thing Frodo thought, "There is no going back." The same can be applied to wounds and sufferings that we are allowed to endure. God never leaves or forsakes us in these times of pain, He walks with us through it. He is teaching us something about Himself, and something about us though the process. When Frodo says, "There are some things that time cannot mend, some hurts that go too deep that have taken hold," I think he means that we should embrace our wounds, because we have them for a reason. Our wounds are there to help us remember where God has brought us from and to encourage others who are in the midst of a similar challenge. Our wounds are there to help us remember that God is faithful to those who call on His name. It gives me peace to know that God can use my wounds and scars to encourage a fellow brother or sister in their journey. If I am not willing to share my wounds and scars to encourage someone else, then it is almost as if I went through those hard times for no reason. I have to be willing to let God use my wounds for His glory."
I'll close by finishing the sentence of the title of this blog. I said "Yes" to God and then my life fell apart. The good news is that God is rebuilding it according to what He wants, and not what I want. It is absolutely worth it!
With that in mind, I want to say that your "Yes" to God will look different than mine. However, it doesn't make your "Yes" more or less important, more or less difficult, or more or less necessary. Let me share with you the lyrics of another one of my favorite praise songs right now...
"Oceans" by Hillsong United
Verse 1
You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep, my faith will stand
Chorus
And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
Verse 2
Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now
Bridge
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
You see, God is calling each of us to deeper water. Peter accepted the challenge as we see in Matthew 14:22-33. Not only that, but Peter was the only one who got out of the boat. The first challenge that we all face is getting out of the boat. Once we're on the water, the real journey begins. My journey of faith has seen many of these opportunities presented. The question that always presents itself is, "Do I have the courage to get out of the boat?" As I look back on the things God was calling me to do to follow Him more closely, I realized that there was a trend. It was difficult...every time. If I were to compare what God is asking of me right now to what He was asking of me 10 years ago, I would say that there is no comparison, what He's asking of me right now is much more difficult. However, it is my opinion that your current circumstances determine the difficulty of your "Yes." Initially, it was difficult for me to give up my comfort, my selfishness, my desires, and the rest of my self-focused traits. However, the more I said "Yes," the more I realized how much I was limiting God. God became bigger each time I gave up another piece of myself. Was it difficult...yes. Was it challenging...every time. Would I do it again...I'd like to think that I would. Thankfully, God has remained faithful, patience, gracious, and many other things throughout my journey of faith.
I've lived a lot of life in the 37 years I've been on this earth. I almost lost my son to a horrible disease when he was less than 2 years old. I've almost lost my wife to horrible skiing accident where she broke over 20 bones in her body. I almost lost my marriage because of my own selfishness and pride. I am in process of trying to keep my family together after adopting 2 boys to add to the 3 children we had already. I'm not using these examples to receive pity. I use these examples to prove that God is still faithful even when circumstances seem overwhelming. Read the lyrics to Verse 2 again. I am so thankful that God's grace abounds in deepest waters. In these moments of distress I cling to Philippians 1:6 (NLT), "And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." Let me state that this isn't a promise that God will make things easy. It is a promise that God will walk with us through the refining process. God will never leave us or forsake us, but we need to remember that refining something is painful and uncomfortable. By definition, refining means, "to remove the unwanted substances in something." The payoff is that you experience God in ways you would have never thought possible. God will open your eyes to the vastness of His mercy, the depth of His love and grace, the endlessness of His faithfulness, and so much more. It is then that you begin to realize that it was never about you to begin with, but you get to be a part of His story! I can speak from experience...that is most definitely enough. It's hard to see that sometimes, but in those moments where you feel God nearer than you ever have before, you know that the struggle is worth it.
As you journey down the "wormhole" of your walk with Christ, you will reach a point where you will think that life was so much easier before you started saying "Yes." The circumstances you find yourself in will seem so overwhelming that you wish you had never started saying "Yes." You are completely normal to have this thought! I think this is a lie the enemy uses on me all the time. In those moments, there's a quote that comes to mind from Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King...
"How do you pick up the threads of an old life. How do you go on? Within your heart, you begin to understand there is no going back. There are some things that time cannot mend, some hurts that go too deep that have taken hold."
I wrote about this quote while we were in Ukraine adopting our 2 boys, and I think it's useful here, too. Whenever you think things were easier or better before, I hope this encourages you to remember that God has you on the exact journey you are supposed to be on. Here is what I wrote:
"When Frodo said these words, they hit me like a ton of bricks. It made me realize that the reason that we are on the journey God has us on is because He wants us to return "home" differently. The times of mission work (whether local or abroad), the times of worship where you feel God's presence more deeply than ever before, the unity you feel with fellow believers when you share an experience together...all these things are building blocks for God to make us less and less comfortable with where we are right now. Upon our return "home," we should look around and think the very same thing Frodo thought, "There is no going back." The same can be applied to wounds and sufferings that we are allowed to endure. God never leaves or forsakes us in these times of pain, He walks with us through it. He is teaching us something about Himself, and something about us though the process. When Frodo says, "There are some things that time cannot mend, some hurts that go too deep that have taken hold," I think he means that we should embrace our wounds, because we have them for a reason. Our wounds are there to help us remember where God has brought us from and to encourage others who are in the midst of a similar challenge. Our wounds are there to help us remember that God is faithful to those who call on His name. It gives me peace to know that God can use my wounds and scars to encourage a fellow brother or sister in their journey. If I am not willing to share my wounds and scars to encourage someone else, then it is almost as if I went through those hard times for no reason. I have to be willing to let God use my wounds for His glory."
I'll close by finishing the sentence of the title of this blog. I said "Yes" to God and then my life fell apart. The good news is that God is rebuilding it according to what He wants, and not what I want. It is absolutely worth it!
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Don't Drive by Looking at Your Windshield
One of the definitions of glory, as defined by Merriam Webster, is "great beauty and splendor." As I read through Scripture, I love to read accounts of how people responded to God's glory and presence when they experienced it. The majority of the time, the response to being in God's presence was to fall face down in surrender and awe. The worshipper felt so unworthy and overwhelmed that they lay prostrate on the ground.
There are times in my life that I need to be reminded of God's overwhelming glory. It's easy for me to be so focused on the circumstances that surround me, that I lose sight of Who has control of it all. A lot of my friends that I am close with are experiencing the same thing I am right now. We all feel bombarded with one challenge after another that causes us to become distracted with putting out fire after fire. It reminds me of Genesis 3:1, when the serpent (the Enemy) was described as crafty. It also reminded me of Ephesians 6:11, when we are told to put on the full armor of God to stand against the wiles of the devil. When you look up the Greek word for "wiles" it gives a picture of someone lying in wait, like a lion on the hunt for it's prey. In other words, our Enemy doesn't fight fairly. He is waiting to pounce at our most inopportune time. He attacks our family, our weaknesses, our emotions, our health, or anything else that would cause us to lose sight of where our focus should be...just read what he did to Job.
Today, as I sat at breakfast with my accountability partner, God gave me an illustration of how I'm living my life right now. He said that it was like I was driving a car by looking at the windshield instead of through it. I had become so focused on what was right in front of me that I lost sight of the direction He was taking me. Just this past week I was reading though the book of Job, and the way Job responded to his circumstances defined who he was as a person. At the core of his belief was the fact that God is good regardless of the circumstances He may have allowed Job to experience. Job suffered well. If I become so focused on the circumstance that is directly in front of me that I forget that God is still good and reigns over all of His creation, then I have lost sight of where my eyes should be. Did Job know that God would restore him, his health, his family and his possessions...No! Did that deter Job from remaining focused on the unchanging character of who God is...No! So, here I sit with this feeling of being overwhelmed, but my feelings shouldn't determine my idea of who God is. His character remains unchanged, His control of His creation is still consummate, and His belief in me is unwavering. The problem lies in how I define whose I am. I am not defined by my shortcomings, by my failures, by my circumstances, or by my successes. I am defined by my relationship to Him...I am His son. Therefore, it is my duty to look past my circumstances and stand in the presence of my Father and trust His guidance, His leadership, His direction, and His discipline. When all this struggle is said and done, I want to have fought well.
In those moments of weakness, I appreciate that God continues to speak to me through different avenues. I was listening to Kim Walker-Smith of Jesus Culture the other day (who is one of my favorite worship leaders). She sings a song with Jesus Culture called "Show Me Your Glory." It's based off the account of Moses coming in to God's presence. This song reminded me that when I feel circumstances overwhelming me, I need to regain my focus by seeking the presence of my Father. In His presence, there is an endless supply of whatever attribute of God I need most to survive the battle that is before me...His love, His patience, His endurance, His faithfulness, His joy, His peace...it's an ever running stream. My idea of what I need might be different than what God knows I need. That is why spending time in His presence is important...I need perspective. This song came along just when I needed it. I don't think anyone would wish Job's circumstances on themselves, but if you find yourself with similar struggles, cling to the fact that God wants to show His glory. I know that is what keeps me fighting. I want God to be glorified in whatever I do and through whatever circumstance may come my way. I just have to remember to look through the windshield and not at it.
The lyrics for this amazing song follows:
"Show Me Your Glory" by Jesus Culture
Verse 1
I see the cloud, I step in
I want to see Your glory as Moses did
Flashes of light and rolls of thunder
Pre-Chorus
I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid
Chorus
Show me Your glory, show me Your glory, my God
Show me Your glory, show me Your glory
Verse 2
I'm awed by Your beauty, lost in Your eyes
I long to walk in Your presence like Jesus did
Your glory surround me and I'm overwhelmed
Bridge
I long to look on the face of the One that I love
Long to stay in Your presence, it's where I belong
There are times in my life that I need to be reminded of God's overwhelming glory. It's easy for me to be so focused on the circumstances that surround me, that I lose sight of Who has control of it all. A lot of my friends that I am close with are experiencing the same thing I am right now. We all feel bombarded with one challenge after another that causes us to become distracted with putting out fire after fire. It reminds me of Genesis 3:1, when the serpent (the Enemy) was described as crafty. It also reminded me of Ephesians 6:11, when we are told to put on the full armor of God to stand against the wiles of the devil. When you look up the Greek word for "wiles" it gives a picture of someone lying in wait, like a lion on the hunt for it's prey. In other words, our Enemy doesn't fight fairly. He is waiting to pounce at our most inopportune time. He attacks our family, our weaknesses, our emotions, our health, or anything else that would cause us to lose sight of where our focus should be...just read what he did to Job.
Today, as I sat at breakfast with my accountability partner, God gave me an illustration of how I'm living my life right now. He said that it was like I was driving a car by looking at the windshield instead of through it. I had become so focused on what was right in front of me that I lost sight of the direction He was taking me. Just this past week I was reading though the book of Job, and the way Job responded to his circumstances defined who he was as a person. At the core of his belief was the fact that God is good regardless of the circumstances He may have allowed Job to experience. Job suffered well. If I become so focused on the circumstance that is directly in front of me that I forget that God is still good and reigns over all of His creation, then I have lost sight of where my eyes should be. Did Job know that God would restore him, his health, his family and his possessions...No! Did that deter Job from remaining focused on the unchanging character of who God is...No! So, here I sit with this feeling of being overwhelmed, but my feelings shouldn't determine my idea of who God is. His character remains unchanged, His control of His creation is still consummate, and His belief in me is unwavering. The problem lies in how I define whose I am. I am not defined by my shortcomings, by my failures, by my circumstances, or by my successes. I am defined by my relationship to Him...I am His son. Therefore, it is my duty to look past my circumstances and stand in the presence of my Father and trust His guidance, His leadership, His direction, and His discipline. When all this struggle is said and done, I want to have fought well.
In those moments of weakness, I appreciate that God continues to speak to me through different avenues. I was listening to Kim Walker-Smith of Jesus Culture the other day (who is one of my favorite worship leaders). She sings a song with Jesus Culture called "Show Me Your Glory." It's based off the account of Moses coming in to God's presence. This song reminded me that when I feel circumstances overwhelming me, I need to regain my focus by seeking the presence of my Father. In His presence, there is an endless supply of whatever attribute of God I need most to survive the battle that is before me...His love, His patience, His endurance, His faithfulness, His joy, His peace...it's an ever running stream. My idea of what I need might be different than what God knows I need. That is why spending time in His presence is important...I need perspective. This song came along just when I needed it. I don't think anyone would wish Job's circumstances on themselves, but if you find yourself with similar struggles, cling to the fact that God wants to show His glory. I know that is what keeps me fighting. I want God to be glorified in whatever I do and through whatever circumstance may come my way. I just have to remember to look through the windshield and not at it.
The lyrics for this amazing song follows:
"Show Me Your Glory" by Jesus Culture
Verse 1
I see the cloud, I step in
I want to see Your glory as Moses did
Flashes of light and rolls of thunder
Pre-Chorus
I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid
Chorus
Show me Your glory, show me Your glory, my God
Show me Your glory, show me Your glory
Verse 2
I'm awed by Your beauty, lost in Your eyes
I long to walk in Your presence like Jesus did
Your glory surround me and I'm overwhelmed
Bridge
I long to look on the face of the One that I love
Long to stay in Your presence, it's where I belong
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Deep Calls Out to Deep: I Choose Hope
First of all, let me start by saying that adoption is difficult. We adopted 2 boys from Ukraine last year, and it has been very difficult on our family. Integrating them into our family has been more of a challenge than we expected. We were a happy couple with 3 beautiful kids, when God began to insert the idea of adoption in our minds. When we finally submitted to the idea of expanding our family, God made it clear who we were supposed to adopt. Honestly, that's the hard part about all of this...we knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that God chose these boys to be a part of our family. The last 9 months have been filled with many battles and have left all of us scarred and licking our wounds trying to figure out where the dust is going to settle (assuming that it does settle).
I knew that God would teach me lessons through this adoption. I also knew that many of those lessons would be about myself, but sometimes I feel the "lessons" are causing my family to fall apart. In those moments, I beg God to spare my family and let me carry the burden. However, I begin to realize that God is trying to teach each member of my family a lesson. I plead with God to make the lessons easy and as pain-free as possible. No one wants to see their wife and their children struggle, and fight, and fail, and doubt God in their own lives.
Then, the questions come. How do I set the example when I don't feel like fighting this battle anymore? How can I encourage my family to keep fighting when I'm exhausted and beat up? When can we have some relief? How do you love someone who keeps pushing you away? How do you teach morals and values to someone who doesn't care? How do you instill self respect and honor to someone who believes they are now entitled to whatever they want? How do you teach humility to someone who believes they have received life's golden ticket? God usually doesn't give a specific answer in this regard. His response is usually "exactly" or "now you're getting it." In other words, God wants me to keep asking the questions, but I WANT ANSWERS!! So, what do you do when you feel like God isn't giving you the answers you want? How do you cope with the circumstances you are in? I said "yes" to something difficult that God wanted my family to do and He has us here...why? Unfortunately, my first instinct is to try and fix it myself, which fails miserably. Finally, I turn to where He wanted me in the first place...Scripture.
Yesterday, I had a song lyric in my head from Bethel Music that says, "deep cries out to You Jesus." As I searched the Scripture to see where it came from, and why God put it in my head, I was lead to Psalm 42. It was quite obvious why God led me to that Scripture considering my current circumstances. This Psalm is a Maskil, which means a pslam of instruction. In this particular Psalm, the author is quite depressed. In verse 3, he states that "my tears have been my food day and night, while all day long people say to me, 'Where is your God?'" He actually says that he is depressed in verses 5, 6 and 11. Then comes verse 7, "Deep calls to deep in the roar of Your waterfalls; all Your breakers and Your billows have swept over me." In context of this Psalm, I believe this verse is painting a picture of how overwhelmed he is with the trials that have come his way. God has allowed these things to happen, and the Psalmist feels consumed by the waves. For me, this verse has a deeper meaning. The phrase "deep calls to deep" has been chasing me for a while now.
There are times when my soul feels dried up and thirsty. Usually this happens because I have become lackadaisical with my faith. I put the cruise control on and stop my pursuit of a fresh word from God. The amazing thing is that God continues His pursuit of me! He plants thoughts in my mind through songs or sermons that keep haunting me until I pursue an answer. "Deep calls to deep" reminds me of Luke 19:40, where Jesus states, "I tell you, if they were to keep silent, the stones would cry out." This verse reminds us that creation speaks the praises of the Creator. Then God reminded me, I am His creation as well. The depth of my soul is crying out for the depth of His goodness, the depth of His righteousness, the depth of His faithfulness. I have to choose to praise Him, just as the Psalmist did in chapter 42. Remember, this is a Psalm of instruction, so God is giving us an example of what to do when we are depressed or overwhelmed by our circumstances. The summation of chapter 42 comes in the last part of the last verse of the chapter, "Put your hope in God, for I will still praise Him, my Savior and my God." Yes, God has my family in the throes of a difficult season. Yes, I am losing battles because I keep losing focus. Yes, the task before my wife and myself is great as we try and help rescue 2 souls from utter darkness. Yes, my family will take a beating through this process. Yes, I will question whether God cares and if He's even there. But...the depth of my soul will continue to cry out for the depth of God's infinite love and mercy, and it is there where my soul will find hope and rest. I have to choose to praise Him, whether I feel like it or not.
I leave you with the lyrics from a song that I have loved ever since it came out. It has become my anthem right now...
"Broken Hallelujah" by The Afters
Verse 1
I can barely stand right now.
Everything is crashing down,
And I wonder where You are.
Verse 2
I try to find the words to pray.
I don't always know what to say,
But You're the one that can hear my heart.
Pre-chorus
Even though I don't know what your plan is,
I know You're making beauty from these ashes.
Chorus
I've seen joy and I've seen pain.
On my knees, I call Your name.
Here's my broken hallelujah.
With nothing left to hold onto,
I raise these empty hands to You.
Here's my broken hallelujah.
Verse 3
You know the things that have brought me here
You know the story of every tear.
‘Cause You've been here from the very start
Bridge
When all is taken away, don't let my heart be changed.
Let me always sing Hallelujah
When I feel afraid, don't let my hope be erased
Let me always sing Hallelujah.
Let me always sing Hallelujah.
I knew that God would teach me lessons through this adoption. I also knew that many of those lessons would be about myself, but sometimes I feel the "lessons" are causing my family to fall apart. In those moments, I beg God to spare my family and let me carry the burden. However, I begin to realize that God is trying to teach each member of my family a lesson. I plead with God to make the lessons easy and as pain-free as possible. No one wants to see their wife and their children struggle, and fight, and fail, and doubt God in their own lives.
Then, the questions come. How do I set the example when I don't feel like fighting this battle anymore? How can I encourage my family to keep fighting when I'm exhausted and beat up? When can we have some relief? How do you love someone who keeps pushing you away? How do you teach morals and values to someone who doesn't care? How do you instill self respect and honor to someone who believes they are now entitled to whatever they want? How do you teach humility to someone who believes they have received life's golden ticket? God usually doesn't give a specific answer in this regard. His response is usually "exactly" or "now you're getting it." In other words, God wants me to keep asking the questions, but I WANT ANSWERS!! So, what do you do when you feel like God isn't giving you the answers you want? How do you cope with the circumstances you are in? I said "yes" to something difficult that God wanted my family to do and He has us here...why? Unfortunately, my first instinct is to try and fix it myself, which fails miserably. Finally, I turn to where He wanted me in the first place...Scripture.
Yesterday, I had a song lyric in my head from Bethel Music that says, "deep cries out to You Jesus." As I searched the Scripture to see where it came from, and why God put it in my head, I was lead to Psalm 42. It was quite obvious why God led me to that Scripture considering my current circumstances. This Psalm is a Maskil, which means a pslam of instruction. In this particular Psalm, the author is quite depressed. In verse 3, he states that "my tears have been my food day and night, while all day long people say to me, 'Where is your God?'" He actually says that he is depressed in verses 5, 6 and 11. Then comes verse 7, "Deep calls to deep in the roar of Your waterfalls; all Your breakers and Your billows have swept over me." In context of this Psalm, I believe this verse is painting a picture of how overwhelmed he is with the trials that have come his way. God has allowed these things to happen, and the Psalmist feels consumed by the waves. For me, this verse has a deeper meaning. The phrase "deep calls to deep" has been chasing me for a while now.
There are times when my soul feels dried up and thirsty. Usually this happens because I have become lackadaisical with my faith. I put the cruise control on and stop my pursuit of a fresh word from God. The amazing thing is that God continues His pursuit of me! He plants thoughts in my mind through songs or sermons that keep haunting me until I pursue an answer. "Deep calls to deep" reminds me of Luke 19:40, where Jesus states, "I tell you, if they were to keep silent, the stones would cry out." This verse reminds us that creation speaks the praises of the Creator. Then God reminded me, I am His creation as well. The depth of my soul is crying out for the depth of His goodness, the depth of His righteousness, the depth of His faithfulness. I have to choose to praise Him, just as the Psalmist did in chapter 42. Remember, this is a Psalm of instruction, so God is giving us an example of what to do when we are depressed or overwhelmed by our circumstances. The summation of chapter 42 comes in the last part of the last verse of the chapter, "Put your hope in God, for I will still praise Him, my Savior and my God." Yes, God has my family in the throes of a difficult season. Yes, I am losing battles because I keep losing focus. Yes, the task before my wife and myself is great as we try and help rescue 2 souls from utter darkness. Yes, my family will take a beating through this process. Yes, I will question whether God cares and if He's even there. But...the depth of my soul will continue to cry out for the depth of God's infinite love and mercy, and it is there where my soul will find hope and rest. I have to choose to praise Him, whether I feel like it or not.
I leave you with the lyrics from a song that I have loved ever since it came out. It has become my anthem right now...
"Broken Hallelujah" by The Afters
Verse 1
I can barely stand right now.
Everything is crashing down,
And I wonder where You are.
Verse 2
I try to find the words to pray.
I don't always know what to say,
But You're the one that can hear my heart.
Pre-chorus
Even though I don't know what your plan is,
I know You're making beauty from these ashes.
Chorus
I've seen joy and I've seen pain.
On my knees, I call Your name.
Here's my broken hallelujah.
With nothing left to hold onto,
I raise these empty hands to You.
Here's my broken hallelujah.
Verse 3
You know the things that have brought me here
You know the story of every tear.
‘Cause You've been here from the very start
Bridge
When all is taken away, don't let my heart be changed.
Let me always sing Hallelujah
When I feel afraid, don't let my hope be erased
Let me always sing Hallelujah.
Let me always sing Hallelujah.
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