My Faith Journey

I grew up with amazing, God fearing parents.  They both have an incredible knowledge of the Bible to the point that it would probably put a lot of pastors to shame.  I remember asking Jesus to be my Savior on April 30, 1984 at a revival at my church.  I was baptized a few weeks later with my sister on May 20, 1984.  This is where my faith journey begins. 

It wasn't until high school that I had to make my faith my own.  It was in high school that I began my lifelong battle of wanting other people's acceptance.  I struggled with this issue in elementary school, too (I had gigantic glasses as a kid), but it wasn't until high school that it became a huge hurdle.  Going from a class of 12 in elementary school to a class of over 500 and a school of over 2200 was a bit of an adjustment.  Thankfully, God protected me from making any horrible decisions (no sex, drugs or alcohol, etc.).  However, I did struggle to find my identity.  Most of that changed the summer of my sophomore year.  I met a group of guys from a youth group in my hometown that loved me for me.  It was this group of guys that helped me make it through high school.  None of them actually went to my high school, but the encouragement and love they gave me when I went to church gave me the confidence to face whatever challenges faced me at school.

I decided to attend Samford University after high school.  Samford is a private Christian college in Birmingham, AL.  The 4 years at Samford were life changing in many ways.  I was faced with the challenge of making new friends again (I only knew 3 or 4 people when I went there).  However, one of the guys from the youth group was going with me, so I felt like I had a head start since he and I were going to be roommates.  Again, through God's grace I found my niche within the first few weeks I was there.  I tried out for and was accepted into the BSU Choir.  This was a student led/run choir of 100 people.  After joining choir, I was surrounded by people who loved the Lord and wanted to see His name lifted up.  They also loved and valued me for what I was and not for anything else.  

While at Samford, I met the love of my life.  During my sophomore year, I remember seeing this girl walk across campus (she still doesn't quite believe me).  I thought to myself that I would like to know who she is.  As luck would have it, she tried out for choir that year and made it.  In the fall, after we had gotten back from a weekend tour with the choir, I walked up to her on campus and asked her if she wanted to get married.  She said, "sure," and the rest is history.  We were married about 2 1/2 years later.

My faith journey definitely changed after college.  Another one of my lifelong battles that I came face to face with was my own selfishness.  After Gelaina and I were married, I began the journey of trying to become selfless.  It became even more of a reality when we began to have kids.  Unfortunately for Gelaina and our kids, I was very unsuccessful in fighting this battle for the first 8 or 9 years of our marriage.  Gelaina had the patience of Job with me.  I was so self consumed that I don't know how she put up with me.  But, by the grace of God, she endured.  I thank God every day that she is still with me. My goal, everyday, is to try to figure out the best way to love her that day.

Our first child was born March 16 of 2000.  4 months later our world was changed forever.  Our son was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis July 4th weekend of 2000.  This began another lifelong struggle for me and my wife.  We went through all the stages of grief and landed on the fact that God loves our son more than we ever could.  We had to choose one of two ways of handling this situation.  1) We could feel sorry for ourselves and just wallow in our own self pity; or 2) we could trust that Almighty God wants to use this in some way to bring God the most glory.  Through much prayer, we opted for choice 2.  We realized that all children are gifts, and we are humbled to think that God would consider us worthy enough to take care of this precious child, His creation.  The challenge we face everyday is to be Abraham as he lays Isaac on the altar to sacrifice him...that is the mental image God gave Gelaina and me when he was diagnosed.  Every day, we need to lay him at the altar and trust that God has it all under control...easier said than done, unfortunately.

About 6 or 7 years ago, I began to look at my life and realized that I was not who I thought I was.  I was an awful husband, awful father, and a shell of a "Christian."  Other than my wife, I didn't have anyone close to me that was pushing me further in my faith.  Our church had just started small groups and I approached someone towards the end of our study and asked if he wanted to be accountability partners.  I didn't know him very well, but I just felt like God was leading me to ask him.  Jason said that it sounded like a good idea, and our journey began. 

If it weren't for my wife and Jason Hester (accountability partner), I would not be where I am today.  Through the course of the last 6 or 7 years, God used the two of them to break down a lot of strongholds in my life.  The first hammer strike to the chisel was reading John Eldridge's "Wild at Heart."  That began the process of understand who I am and how God sees me.  I came to realize how Satan uses deception and half truths to discourage me from realizing that I am a child of the King.  And, although I will fail at times, God still sees me as forgiven and loved.  The reason I titled this blog "The Unsatisfied Worshipper" was because I have come to a point in my faith where I am never satisfied with where I am.  I firmly believe that if you are comfortable with where you are in your journey of faith, then your enemy has you right where he wants you.  We need to hold fast to our sense of wonder about God.  I figure that, if the Apostle Paul never felt like he had "arrived" in his faith, then who am I to think that I have it figured out.  I finally realized that I am not the title role in this movie, God was here before me, He's here now, and He will be here long after I'm gone.  I continue to pray that God will make less of me, so that everyone will see what this life is all about...bringing God the most glory possible.