Humble Yourself

1 Peter 5:5-7

⁵ In the same way, you younger men, be subject to the elders. And all of you clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble.  ⁶ Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you at the proper time, ⁷ casting all your care on Him, because He cares about you.

The verb translated "humble yourselves" means that we are the subject of action.  It can also be translated “Suffer yourselves to be humbled.”  Therefore, God is one the doing the action…to us.  We are being humbled by Him.  In our lives, we reach a point where God needs to teach us another lesson in order for us to move forward in a way that glorifies Him.  In order for that to happen, we have to be refined, which means another piece of our pride has to die.  God has to humble us so that we can be used in a way that He desires.  So, I ask myself, wouldn’t I rather just submit to God’s authority over me and receive His humility instead of always fighting against it and being humbled in a way that I wouldn’t like?  It will be hard.  It will be challenging.  There will be days that I will have successes, and there will be days that I will fail miserably.  I have to keep moving forward and daily submit to God’s refining process.  In the end, I will look back and be amazed at what He did in me and why He did it. 

Now, in verse 7, the apostle explains to them that while this humbling process is going on, they should cast all their care (not cares) upon God. The word "care" is the translation of a Greek word which means "anxiety" or "worry." The word "all" in the Greek text has the idea, not of every worry that comes along, but the whole of their worries. They are to cast upon God the whole of their worries, that is, come to the place where they resolve to cast the whole of their future worries upon Him, and the result will be that when those things that would otherwise worry them come up, they will not worry.  To put it simply, when I submit to God’s authority, discipline, and direction in my life, and I trust His direction, I shouldn’t have a care, anxiety, or worry.  The reason I worry is because I begin to doubt God’s process and direction.  I think that I can handle the situation better than God can, which is pride, and that brings us back to the fact that God’s resists the proud but gives grace to the humble.   Now, that’s not to say that we shouldn’t make plans and use wisdom with regards to our decision’s about the future.  When God alters our plans for what we thought our future was going to be, we have to humble ourselves, and cast all our “cares” about what His new direction is, on Him.  Trust His process!

The key to all of this is to live in the moment that God gives us.  I can’t worry about next month, or next week, or the next day, or the next hour or minute.  I have to live in the moment that God is currently giving me.  As I write these words, I have thoughts about what I have to do next, or when I get home, or this weekend.  Then, I start thinking about what decisions, compromises or obstacles I will have to make or endure to get these things accomplished.  Let me give you an example…when I get off work and go home, I look forward to 8:30 p.m. when 4 out of my 5 children are in bed.  At 8:30, I finally get to relax, lay on my bed with my wife, and watch a show or catch up with each other’s day.  Many times, I make decisions that expedite that process at the expense of my children’s happiness.  The other night, all the kids were outside having fun together, which is a luxury with having that many kids.  Instead of letting them play a little longer, which would’ve made them miss their bedtimes, I called a couple of them in so they could get clean and get ready for bed.  Now, they were a little disappointed that they had to come in, but it didn’t make them hate me, nor did they give me a hard time.  However, it was out of a purely selfish motive that I called them inside.  I could’ve justified it to myself by thinking that they had school and they needed their sleep, but it was because I wanted the evening process to begin so that I could have “my” time.  What I should’ve done is allow them to enjoy being with their siblings.  Those times are when memories are made.  It is then that I realize that pride is a terrible beast to slay.  It is a battle most, if not all, of us face every day.  I believe that is why Jesus reminded us to take up our cross daily to follow Him.  I can’t let tomorrow’s worries determine how I live right now.  

This journey that God has called us to is a difficult one, and not for the faint of heart.  Each day, God requires us to die a little more to ourselves.  If we are truly seeking after Him, and desiring holiness above comfort, and purity above justification, then we have quite the challenge ahead of us.  However, as I have travelled down this road (reluctantly at times), I have determined that God has yet to disappoint me with the outcome of His refining process.  During the process, I have lots of questions, frustrations and criticism, but when I submit, I begin to see what He is really trying to accomplish…more of Him and less of me.  He truly does care about me!

I must give credit to my friends Jason and Darren, and to the Holman Commentary on 1 Peter for helping me with putting some of these thoughts together.

Be God's!

Let's Risk the Ocean

Matthew 14:29b

"So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water towards Jesus."

A few years ago, I remember my accountability partner and I read a book entitled, "If You Want to Walk on Water, You've Got to Get Out of the Boat" by John Ortberg.  At the time I read the book, I didn't realize how much it would impact me.  This book dissects this account of Peter walking on water and gives great insight into how it can be applied to our lives.

Peter is the disciple I can relate to the most.  Deep inside of him is this burning desire to be bold and lead, but there is also a part of him that has the best intentions but fails miserably.  This account of Peter walking on the water encompasses every attribute of Peter's humanity and dilemma (and mine, too).  As I read through this passage again, questions started popping into my head.  First of all, how good am I at recognizing God's presence?  Every disciple that was on that boat didn't realize it was Jesus in the distance.  When times are good, or when I'm in corporate worship, identifying God's presence is easy.  Conversely, when times are bad and things aren't going my way, when the waves of life are crashing all around me, it's difficult to determine if I really see a figure in the distance standing on the water asking me to step out of the boat.  The boat is really comfortable and secure.  Stepping out into the rough seas of the unknown is scary and risky.  It is then that I must realize, as Ortberg said, that this is not just a story about risk-taking, it's a story about obedience.  Obeying God can be difficult, because we have to face things that aren't enjoyable like pride, control, and failure.  We were made for something more than merely avoiding these things, though.  There is something inside us that wants to walk on the water and join in on the adventure of following God with reckless abandon.

This begs the next question...what is the "boat" that is keeping me from living this adventure?  My "boat" represents safety and security.  It's something that I put my trust in other that God.  It represents something that I may not be willing to give up.  It could be my pride, my belief in my own talents and gifts, money, family, or relationships.  I have to have an honest conversation with myself to figure this part out.  Stepping out of my "boat" means that another piece of me has to die.  God is calling me out on the water to purify me of something else in my life that doesn't reflect Him.

Peter was facing these same thoughts in his head, but he decides to abandon his own comfort and reason and throw caution to the wind.  He swings his legs over the side of the boat and....stands!  Peter put his entire faith, trust and reason in the hands of Jesus, his Savior, and then, he takes a step.  Was there danger in getting out of the boat?  Absolutely.  But, as Ortberg states, there is also danger in staying in the boat.  If I never get out of the boat, I never fully join in on the adventure God wants me to take.  Staying in the boat means that I only want to follow God according to my terms, not according to His.  It also means that I am allowing my enemy to cloud my view of who God is and what He has planned for me.

Now, what happens once we're out of the boat?  I'm glad you asked.  Whenever I have stepped out of the boat to follow after God, I experienced setbacks, I faced opposition, there were obstacles that I didn't know about or see, and there was plenty of fear.  Let me go ahead and say that there are times that you are going to fail miserably, just like Peter.  Can we just come to grip with that fact?  Peter didn't make it all the way to Jesus.  Jesus had to come to Peter's rescue.  Ortberg says is perfectly, "Failure is not an event, but rather a judgment about an event.  Failure is not something that happens to us or a label we attach to things.  It is a way we think about outcomes."  Peter knew, all too well, the shame of public failure.  In front of his closest friends, and in front of his Teacher, he failed.  However, Peter was the only one, in this instance, that knew the amazing feeling of walking on the water.  No one else got out of the boat.  Failure is a vital part of learning and growing.  Through all of my failures, I have gained a lot of wisdom as well.

Why risk the ocean?  Why should I risk all my comforts and safety to step out into tumultuous waters?  Ortberg closes out his book with the best statement to answer this question, "The water is where Jesus is."  It's really that simple.  What should inspire me to leave my comfort, my safety, my security?  Jesus.  Most of the time. I try to manage my life to the point where my family is safe and secure, where I can predict what is going to happen (for the most part), and where I can present the illusion that I have everything under control.  What does this achieve, though?  I think God is calling us all to step out the boat of our cookie cutter lives.  I know that when I step out onto the water, I will fail.  Sometimes, I will fail miserably, and I'll do in front of my family and my friends...and that's okay.  It's all part of the journey.  Then, every once in a while, through the power of the One who called me out there in the first place...I will walk on water.  When that happens, it's all worth it.  It makes all the failures that I had along the way disappear.  In that moment, with the waves crashing in all around me, with my eyes focused on my Savior in the distance, I walk with reckless abandon.  It is then, that I live!


"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"
by Hillsong United

Verse 1
You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep my faith will stand

Chorus 1
And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Verse 2
Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sov'reign hand will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

Bridge
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Saviour


Be God's!

Beauty from Ashes

Over the last few days, I can’t get the phrase “beauty for ashes” out of my head.  It reminded me of this passage in Isaiah 61:

¹The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me,

    for the Lord has anointed me

    to bring good news to the poor.

He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted

    and to proclaim that captives will be released

    and prisoners will be freed.

² He has sent me to tell those who mourn

    that the time of the Lord’s favor has come,

    and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies.

³ To all who mourn in Israel,

    he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,

a joyous blessing instead of mourning,

    festive praise instead of despair.

In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks

    that the Lord has planted for his own glory.

You know, the refining process is difficult.  When you refine a metal, usually you use a lot of heat to burn off the imperfections.  There are times that I feel like I am the imperfection and God has burned me up and left me as a pile of ashes on the floor.  Then, I begin to realize that the ashes on the floor are just more areas of myself that have died.  The pile right in front of me is my pride.  The pile to my left is my doubt, and over there is my anger.  I look around and see piles of ash everywhere, but that reminded me of a verse I've read over and over in Philippians, "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to the day of completion until the day of Christ."

What can God possibly do with all these ashes?  How, in all my brokenness, can God still use me to encourage someone else, when I can't find any encouragement myself?  During the refining process, it gets really ugly.  There are sins that come to the surface that have been buried very deeply.  Over many years, I have pushed those things further and further down to where I have either forgotten them, or I don't want to deal with them.  God, in His infinite wisdom and grace, brings me to a place where He unearths them and desires to leave them as a pile of ash on the floor.  Sometimes it's gently with a careful hand, and sometimes it's painful with a big gash.  Either way, it becomes ash.  How can beauty rise from such ashes?

After another imperfection in my soul is burned away, I take an inventory of the "new" me.  I begin to realize I have more patience, I have more belief, I have less pride, maybe I have more understanding.  There is less and less of me, and I begin reflecting Him more and more.  Although the refining process is painful and, at times, unbearable, I begin to realize that it is a rebirth.  I remember that my journey to understand God in a deeper, awe-inspiring way began with a simple prayer.  That simple prayer turned into a journey that has been filled with potholes, mistakes, wrong turns, and confusion.  However, throughout all my errors, God has remained faithful to His promise that He will be faithful to complete the process.  Being refined is never fun while you are in the middle of the it because each day, more and more of you is dying.  The payoff is that the box you have God in is expanded more and more to the point where, hopefully, you don't put Him in a box anymore.  You also reach a point in the process where you have no choice but to keep moving forward.  I pray we all can have to courage to find that place and keep moving.  We all need to see the beauty that is on the other side.

I am a HUGE Shane & Shane fan.  As a guitar player, my favorite concert of all time was when they came to the town I live in to the local college and played a concert with just the two of them and two guitars.  It was amazing.  They wrote this song several years ago, and it can be your anthem while God is refining you!

"Beauty for Ashes"

by Shane & Shane

Verse

Beauty for ashes 

A garment of praise for my heaviness

Beauty for ashes

Take this heart of stone and make it Yours, Yours

Chorus

I delight myself in the Richest of Fair

Trading all that I've had for all that is better

A garment of praise for my heaviness

You are the greatest taste

You're the richest of fair 

In My Weakness, I am Strong

I was reading Exodus 29 not too long ago in my quiet time.  In this passage, we see the details for the ceremony to dedicate Aaron and his sons as priests for the Israelites.  What, you may ask, is so significant about this passage of Scripture that made you want to write about it?  I’m glad you asked!  The symbolism in verse 4 is what struck a chord with me,

“Present Aaron and his sons at the entrance of the Tabernacle, and wash them with water.” 

Allow me to paint this picture for you.  Aaron and his sons were chosen to be the intermediaries between God and His people.  The priests would offer sacrifices for atonement and forgiveness.  There was a specific procedure to everything they did.  The priest’s “ordination” process is what we read about in chapter 29.  There were some sacrifices that were made, some symbolic gestures that had deep meaning, even the clothes they wore had deep significance.  However, I want to focus on the part of the ceremony that would make me the most uncomfortable…the washing. 

Moses brought Aaron and his sons to the entrance of the Tabernacle, meaning everyone could see them.  He stripped them down and washed them with water.  I don’t know about you, but I have never taken a public bath before (and don’t plan to).  The symbolism here is that Aaron and his sons have laid themselves bare (literally) to be cleansed of their unrighteousness.  They have offered their bodies as a living sacrifice in order to be used by God in whatever way He wanted.  Since they did it in front of the people, they are now held accountable by the people and by God.

So, considering my current circumstances, and all that I am going through, why is this significant to me?  There comes a point in life, and maybe it comes with age, that you grow tired of superficial conversations.  I want to have conversations that matter.  I want to surround myself with people who are not afraid to be honest and share their struggles and successes.  I don’t say that to sound pompous or arrogant.  I say that because life is short, and life is difficult.  We are all struggling to figure out where God is leading us and what He’s doing in our lives.  I need people who will journey with me. 

Aaron allowed himself to become vulnerable in order to be cleansed.  I think this is the perfect example for us.  The enemy is sneaky and conniving.  He tells us that we should suppress all our shortcomings and just share the good things.  Put on a happy face and act like you have it all together.  The reality is that healing only comes through vulnerability and sacrifice.  It’s about time we extinguished the enemy’s onslaught by being honest with one another.  I’m not saying that you air your laundry with everyone you meet.  Let’s face it, not everyone would receive it in a God honoring way.  However, we should all have a small group of fellow believers that we can be “naked” with.  When I am “naked” with that group of friends, I have found love, support, compassion, understanding, and prayer.  I have seen the power of prayer too many times to count in my lifetime.  When I know that I have people praying for me, I can feel it, and it gives me strength to continue the race.  It also helps me realize that I'm not alone.  

I think that it’s time to surround ourselves with people that we can be honest with and that propel us toward God.  I know that it’s made a world of difference in my life!

The Struggle...Here Comes Mr. Nasty

One of the hardest things about following God through difficult circumstances is maintaining perspective.  I have never been under more stress, felt more helpless, or fought harder in my life than I am right now.  There are times that I've felt like Jacob, and I've wrestled with God.  There are times when I've felt like Job, because it feels like everything is being taken away from me.  There are times that I feel like Moses, and I feel like I'm leading my family through the desert, and I don't know if I'll get to enter the "promised land."  The struggle is real, and, at times, overwhelming.  However, I feel like I've learned a few things along the way.  

First of all, the way that I respond to each situation and circumstance gives me a good idea of where I'm at spiritually.  I know that God brings difficult circumstances to teach me something about Him and something about me.  The things that I am learning about myself right now are ugly.  There are times that a situation gets the best of me and the ugliness that comes out blindsides me.  There are things hidden in the depths of my soul that I didn't know were there, and the trying circumstances bring them to the surface.  In those moments, I feel ashamed and laid bare, but I also realize that God has shown me something else that needs refining.  There was some area of my life that was hidden so deep down that extreme circumstances were the only thing that would bring it to the surface.  While it scares me at first, I realize that God is reminding me of another area where I need to follow and trust Him.  

The next thing I've learned through this process is that the enemy thinks I'm a threat.  I don't say that out of pride or arrogance.  I say that because it encourages me that I'm headed in the right direction.  If I am not on the enemy's radar, then there is something wrong with my relationship with God.  There are times that I realize that I will always be in a battle with the enemy, and it feels daunting.  However, I also draw encouragement from it, because God has called me to this battle and believes in me.  Plus, I already know who wins in the end!  Now, I don't know when the end will come, but I know that God will equip me for what each day will bring.  I know that I've said this before, but it bears repeating.  When Job was going through his deepest struggles, his fiercest battles, he was never promised redemption.  At no point did Job know that he would be restored this side of heaven.  Yet, he still went against what everyone else was telling him, and trusted that God would be his supply.  I am not promised that I will be redeemed or restored this side of heaven, so I must ask myself, "Is it still worth the fight?"  If I'm honest, sometimes that answer is "No" because I feel so overwhelmed.  However, if I look deep down, I realize that the answer is "Yes."  I have already laid my cards out on the table, I have already taken the pill, I have already written the blank check, or you can use whatever cliche we've all heard.  The reality is that I don't have any other choice but to keep fighting.  God has brought me this far, so there's no turning back.  He has never left me or forsaken me.  I have to believe that He'll give me the tools I'll need to win the next battle, and the next one, and the next.  Will there be wounds...absolutely!  Will there be stumbles along the way...more than likely.  Will there be times I want to retreat...without a doubt.  Nevertheless, I must press on toward the prize of the high calling, as Paul so eloquently stated.  

The third thing I am beginning to realize is that when victory comes, God will receive all the credit.  Throughout my struggle, each time I try and take over the battle strategy, things begin to fall apart or circumstances worsen.  Usually, I take control because I want the credit for the victory.  Whenever, I allow God to work His plan, the victory usually comes quicker, and it is blatantly obvious who deserves the credit.  I have realized that the toughest battles produce such a deep dependence and reliance on God that it widens my view of Him.  Not only that, but, when victory comes, I can't wait to tell the story of what God did to deliver me.  Many times, I just want God to deliver me from the situation that I'm experiencing.  God has other plans.  The only way to deepen my relationship with God is to fight for it.  I can't manipulate God to get what I want or to get around what He's trying to lead me through.  The only way to learn the lesson is to press on.  Keep pressing on!  I want all my stories to begin with, "You'll never guess what God did...."  

Finally, throughout my struggle, I have realized that my prayers have changed.  At the beginning of the journey, my prayers were "me" focused.  

God, why is this happening to me?  

God, I don't deserve this.  

God, don't You care about me and my family?  

However, as the struggle continued, my prayers shifted.  

God, teach me Your ways.  

God, help me fight well.

God, help me be focused on You and not my circumstances.

God, what do I need to die to today.

God, what attributes of Yourself do I need to cling to today

God, what tools do I need to take in to today's battle

Many of those prayers were lifted out of desperation.  In those moments, I was begging God for more of Himself.  I was begging for a glimpse of His glory.  I was begging for the ability and endurance to fight the good fight and serve Him well.  The focus turned away from me, and focused on what God was teaching me.  I don't want to see my ugliness displayed.  I don't want to see the nasty things I suppressed brought to light.  I don't want others to know my struggle.  Yet, as I read through Scripture, I see all those things displayed with people God used to make the deepest impact.  I see David's adultery and murder.  I see Peter's denial of Christ.  I see Saul/Paul's persecution and murder of Christians, and the list goes on and on.  So, what does that say about my pride that I would think that God would want to use me, but only the good parts of my life.  If I truly want to be used by God and be a part of His plan, I have to realize, as Frances Chan would say, I am not the star of this movie.  I am just lucky enough to have a role.  I have to allow Him to use any and every part of my life and my story to bring Himself fame and glory, even the ugly parts.

Here is my landing point throughout this whole thing.  God is the thread that runs throughout history, not me.  My only hope is that He uses me, my struggle, and my pain to help stitch together others who feel like they are bursting at the seems, too.  I pray that God uses every victory, every struggle, every pain to bring glory to Himself through encouraging others in similar circumstances.  I pray He gives me the discipline to endure, the courage to fight, and the love and mercy to help others along the way.   

I have loved Tenth Avenue North since I heard their first album.  They are one of the few bands where I can just hit play on any of their albums and enjoy every song.  Their most recent project is entitled "The Struggle."  The title track has been helpful for me over the last year and a half.  I hope it will encourage you, too.  Here are the lyrics:

"The Struggle" by Tenth Avenue North

Verse 1

There's a wreckage, there's a fire

There's a weakness in my love 

There's a hunger I can't control

Lord, I falter and I fall down

Then I hold on to chains You broke

When You came and saved my soul, saved my soul

Chorus

Hallelujah, we are free to struggle

We're not struggling to be free

Your blood bought and makes us children

Children drop your chains and sing

Verse 2

So, why, Lord, do I still fail

Do I wear thin

Why do I still give in to temptation

On my own, I am bankrupt

I don't trust You or take You at Your word

What You've promised, yeah

Bridge

Hallelujah, death is overcome and we are breathing

Hallelujah, our stone hearts become flesh that's beating

Hallelujah, chains have been undone, and we are singing

Hallelujah, the has begun, can you feel it

 

A Sacrifice of Praise

Sacrifice is defined by Merriam-Webster as, "destruction of surrender of something for the sake of something else."  There are times in my life when I don't feel like worshipping God.  There are times that I am angry at Him because of what I am having to endure.  There are times that I am frustrated with Him because I prayed and begged and pleaded to Him for something, and it didn't turn out the way I had hoped.  Then, I read a Scripture like Hebrews 13:15 (NIV), "Through Jesus, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise--the fruit of lips that openly profess His name. (emphasis added)"  It doesn't say to offer praise when I feel like it, or if I feel like it.  It says to continually offer a sacrifice of praise.  I guess we're going to have to unpack that and see what that looks like since it's not a suggestion.

There are times that I approach worship out of celebration.  I can't wait to worship God because of the things He has done for me.  There are times that I approach worship in awe and wonder.  I look forward to expanding my view of God because of how much I restrain Him in my life.  There are times that I approach worship with a longing to experiencing God's presence as I lift praises to Him.  I want to feel Him standing with me and wrapping His arms around me. There are times that I approach worship out of desperation.  I am in dire need of God to show up and give me the strength I need to endure through my current circumstances.

Over the last few months, I have found myself approaching worship in the last way that I mentioned quite a bit.  It reminded me of the old (upbeat I might add) praise hymn "We Bring the Sacrifice of Praise."  What exactly is a sacrifice of praise?  Let's start with the obvious.  It means we need to worship God even when we don't feel like it.  God deserves praise regardless of our situation.  God's character has never changed and never will.  I cannot allow the circumstances of my life to define my idea of who God is.  He is much bigger than I ever allow Him to be.  Therefore, although my circumstances overwhelm me, He is still good, He is still faithful, He is still gracious, and He is still love.

I heard an interview of a worship leader that I enjoy listening to, and she explained sacrificial worship like this (I have summarized it):

God paid the ultimate price to get rid of the space between me and Him.  He went as far as He could go to get rid of the space between me and Him.  So, whenever, I feel like there is space between us, it is because of something I must have done.  I gave someone or something else that space, and it's my job to get rid of it.  In worship, it's a constant choice to remove that space and ask God to come and fill it again.

Worship is not about getting something back...it's about taking the attention off of us and our circumstances and giving the focus to the One who deserves it.  It's like a reset button for our emotions, our thoughts, and our ideas.  In the Old Testament, there had to be a death, a sacrifice for atonement.  In the New Testament, we see Jesus as our sacrifice and atonement.  However, Jesus reminded us that we are to die daily and take up our cross to follow Him.  Therefore, a sacrifice is still required on my behalf...it is a death to my will, my way, my desires, my ideas, my perspective, my emotions, and every other part of my life so that I can take up my cross and follow God.  There is always pain involved with sacrifice because something else, another piece of me, is dying.  So, when I hear the verse from Hebrews, I am reminded that this is my sacrifice of praise.  When I approach worship from this perspective, it allows me to refocus on God's character and be reminded of who He is.  Although I am going the difficult times and circumstances, I want to know, and I want people to know, that my circumstances do not define God.  In fact, as God gives me endurance and grace to journey through them, I can shout from the rooftops that God is still faithful and true.  My sacrifice of praise, recently, has led me to this song from Jesus Culture.  I share these lyrics to encourage you to regain focus even during trying times.


"Rooftops" by Jesus Culture

Verse 1
Here I am before You, falling in love and seeking Your truth
Knowing that Your perfect grace has brought me to this place
Because of You I freely live, my life to You, oh God, I give
So I stand before You, God
I life my voice cause You set me free

Chorus 1
So I shout out Your name, from the rooftops I proclaim
That I am Yours, I am Yours

Verse 2
All the good You've done for me, I lift up my hands for all to see
You're the only One who brings me to my knees
To share this love across the earth, the beauty of Your holy worth
So I kneel before You, God
I lift my hands cause You set me free

Chorus 2
So I shout our Your name, from the rooftops I proclaim
That I am Yours, I am Yours
All that I am, I place into Your loving hands
And I am Yours, I am Yours

Bridge
Here I am, I stand, with arms wide open
To the One, the Son, the Everlasting God

I Said Yes to God....and then....

I think that one of the biggest myths about being a Christ Follower is that, by saying "Yes" to God, things in your life will get easier.  While turning to God is definitely the answer to whatever situation you may find yourself in, He is not a get out of jail free card, nor has He promised that the road would be easy.  Being a Christ follower is not for the faint of heart.  I don't say that to discourage you.  In fact, I hope that it encourages you to realize that God sees potential in you.  He's calling you to a deeper knowledge and understanding of Him.  What could be more important?  

With that in mind, I want to say that your "Yes" to God will look different than mine.  However, it doesn't make your "Yes" more or less important, more or less difficult, or more or less necessary.  Let me share with you the lyrics of another one of my favorite praise songs right now...

"Oceans" by Hillsong United

Verse 1
You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep, my faith will stand

Chorus
And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Verse 2
Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

Bridge
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior



You see, God is calling each of us to deeper water.  Peter accepted the challenge as we see in Matthew 14:22-33.  Not only that, but Peter was the only one who got out of the boat.  The first challenge that we all face is getting out of the boat.  Once we're on the water, the real journey begins.  My journey of faith has seen many of these opportunities presented.  The question that always presents itself is, "Do I have the courage to get out of the boat?"  As I look back on the things God was calling me to do to follow Him more closely, I realized that there was a trend.  It was difficult...every time.  If I were to compare what God is asking of me right now to what He was asking of me 10 years ago, I would say that there is no comparison, what He's asking of me right now is much more difficult.  However, it is my opinion that your current circumstances determine the difficulty of your "Yes."  Initially, it was difficult for me to give up my comfort, my selfishness, my desires, and the rest of my self-focused traits.  However, the more I said "Yes," the more I realized how much I was limiting God.  God became bigger each time I gave up another piece of myself.  Was it difficult...yes.  Was it challenging...every time.  Would I do it again...I'd like to think that I would.  Thankfully, God has remained faithful, patience, gracious, and many other things throughout my journey of faith.  

I've lived a lot of life in the 37 years I've been on this earth.  I almost lost my son to a horrible disease when he was less than 2 years old.  I've almost lost my wife to horrible skiing accident where she broke over 20 bones in her body.  I almost lost my marriage because of my own selfishness and pride.  I am in process of trying to keep my family together after adopting 2 boys to add to the 3 children we had already.  I'm not using these examples to receive pity.  I use these examples to prove that God is still faithful even when circumstances seem overwhelming.  Read the lyrics to Verse 2 again.  I am so thankful that God's grace abounds in deepest waters.  In these moments of distress I cling to Philippians 1:6 (NLT), "And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns."  Let me state that this isn't a promise that God will make things easy.  It is a promise that God will walk with us through the refining process.  God will never leave us or forsake us, but we need to remember that refining something is painful and uncomfortable.  By definition, refining means, "to remove the unwanted substances in something."  The payoff is that you experience God in ways you would have never thought possible.  God will open your eyes to the vastness of His mercy, the depth of His love and grace, the endlessness of His faithfulness, and so much more.  It is then that you begin to realize that it was never about you to begin with, but you get to be a part of His story!  I can speak from experience...that is most definitely enough.  It's hard to see that sometimes, but in those moments where you feel God nearer than you ever have before, you know that the struggle is worth it.  

As you journey down the "wormhole" of your walk with Christ, you will reach a point where you will think that life was so much easier before you started saying "Yes."  The circumstances you find yourself in will seem so overwhelming that you wish you had never started saying "Yes."  You are completely normal to have this thought!  I think this is a lie the enemy uses on me all the time.  In those moments, there's a quote that comes to mind from Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King...
  
"How do you pick up the threads of an old life.  How do you go on?  Within your heart, you begin to understand there is no going back.  There are some things that time cannot mend, some hurts that go too deep that have taken hold."

I wrote about this quote while we were in Ukraine adopting our 2 boys, and I think it's useful here, too.  Whenever you think things were easier or better before, I hope this encourages you to remember that God has you on the exact journey you are supposed to be on.  Here is what I wrote:

"When Frodo said these words, they hit me like a ton of bricks.  It made me realize that the reason that we are on the journey God has us on is because He wants us to return "home" differently.  The times of mission work (whether local or abroad), the times of worship where you feel God's presence more deeply than ever before, the unity you feel with fellow believers when you share an experience together...all these things are building blocks for God to make us less and less comfortable with where we are right now.  Upon our return "home," we should look around and think the very same thing Frodo thought, "There is no going back."  The same can be applied to wounds and sufferings that we are allowed to endure.  God never leaves or forsakes us in these times of pain, He walks with us through it.  He is teaching us something about Himself, and something about us though the process.  When Frodo says, "There are some things that time cannot mend, some hurts that go too deep that have taken hold," I think he means that we should embrace our wounds, because we have them for a reason.  Our wounds are there to help us remember where God has brought us from and to encourage others who are in the midst of a similar challenge.  Our wounds are there to help us remember that God is faithful to those who call on His name. It gives me peace to know that God can use my wounds and scars to encourage a fellow brother or sister in their journey.  If I am not willing to share my wounds and scars to encourage someone else, then it is almost as if I went through those hard times for no reason.  I have to be willing to let God use my wounds for His glory."

I'll close by finishing the sentence of the title of this blog.  I said "Yes" to God and then my life fell apart.  The good news is that God is rebuilding it according to what He wants, and not what I want.  It is absolutely worth it!

Don't Drive by Looking at Your Windshield

One of the definitions of glory, as defined by Merriam Webster, is "great beauty and splendor."  As I read through Scripture, I love to read accounts of how people responded to God's glory and presence when they experienced it.  The majority of the time, the response to being in God's presence was to fall face down in surrender and awe.  The worshipper felt so unworthy and overwhelmed that they lay prostrate on the ground.

There are times in my life that I need to be reminded of God's overwhelming glory.  It's easy for me to be so focused on the circumstances that surround me, that I lose sight of Who has control of it all.  A lot of my friends that I am close with are experiencing the same thing I am right now.  We all feel bombarded with one challenge after another that causes us to become distracted with putting out fire after fire.  It reminds me of Genesis 3:1, when the serpent (the Enemy) was described as crafty.  It also reminded me of Ephesians 6:11, when we are told to put on the full armor of God to stand against the wiles of the devil.  When you look up the Greek word for "wiles" it gives a picture of someone lying in wait, like a lion on the hunt for it's prey.  In other words, our Enemy doesn't fight fairly.  He is waiting to pounce at our most inopportune time.  He attacks our family, our weaknesses, our emotions, our health, or anything else that would cause us to lose sight of where our focus should be...just read what he did to Job.

Today, as I sat at breakfast with my accountability partner, God gave me an illustration of how I'm living my life right now.  He said that it was like I was driving a car by looking at the windshield instead of through it.  I had become so focused on what was right in front of me that I lost sight of the direction He was taking me.  Just this past week I was reading though the book of Job, and the way Job responded to his circumstances defined who he was as a person.  At the core of his belief was the fact that God is good regardless of the circumstances He may have allowed Job to experience.  Job suffered well.  If I become so focused on the circumstance that is directly in front of me that I forget that God is still good and reigns over all of His creation, then I have lost sight of where my eyes should be.  Did Job know that God would restore him, his health, his family and his possessions...No!  Did that deter Job from remaining focused on the unchanging character of who God is...No!  So, here I sit with this feeling of being overwhelmed, but my feelings shouldn't determine my idea of who God is.  His character remains unchanged, His control of His creation is still consummate, and His belief in me is unwavering.  The problem lies in how I define whose I am.  I am not defined by my shortcomings, by my failures, by my circumstances, or by my successes.  I am defined by my relationship to Him...I am His son.  Therefore, it is my duty to look past my circumstances and stand in the presence of my Father and trust His guidance, His leadership, His direction, and His discipline.  When all this struggle is said and done, I want to have fought well.

In those moments of weakness, I appreciate that God continues to speak to me through different avenues.  I was listening to Kim Walker-Smith of Jesus Culture the other day (who is one of my favorite worship leaders).  She sings a song with Jesus Culture called "Show Me Your Glory."  It's based off the account of Moses coming in to God's presence.  This song reminded me that when I feel circumstances overwhelming me, I need to regain my focus by seeking the presence of my Father.  In His presence, there is an endless supply of whatever attribute of God I need most to survive the battle that is before me...His love, His patience, His endurance, His faithfulness, His joy, His peace...it's an ever running stream.  My idea of what I need might be different than what God knows I need.  That is why spending time in His presence is important...I need perspective.  This song came along just when I needed it.  I don't think anyone would wish Job's circumstances on themselves, but if you find yourself with similar struggles, cling to the fact that God wants to show His glory.  I know that is what keeps me fighting.  I want God to be glorified in whatever I do and through whatever circumstance may come my way.  I just have to remember to look through the windshield and not at it.

The lyrics for this amazing song follows:

"Show Me Your Glory" by Jesus Culture

Verse 1
I see the cloud, I step in
I want to see Your glory as Moses did
Flashes of light and rolls of thunder

Pre-Chorus
I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid

Chorus
Show me Your glory, show me Your glory, my God
Show me Your glory, show me Your glory

Verse 2
I'm awed by Your beauty, lost in Your eyes
I long to walk in Your presence like Jesus did
Your glory surround me and I'm overwhelmed

Bridge
I long to look on the face of the One that I love
Long to stay in Your presence, it's where I belong

Deep Calls Out to Deep: I Choose Hope

First of all, let me start by saying that adoption is difficult.  We adopted 2 boys from Ukraine last year, and it has been very difficult on our family.  Integrating them into our family has been more of a challenge than we expected.  We were a happy couple with 3 beautiful kids, when God began to insert the idea of adoption in our minds.  When we finally submitted to the idea of expanding our family, God made it clear who we were supposed to adopt.  Honestly, that's the hard part about all of this...we knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that God chose these boys to be a part of our family.  The last 9 months have been filled with many battles and have left all of us scarred and licking our wounds trying to figure out where the dust is going to settle (assuming that it does settle).  

I knew that God would teach me lessons through this adoption.  I also knew that many of those lessons would be about myself, but sometimes I feel the "lessons" are causing my family to fall apart.  In those moments, I beg God to spare my family and let me carry the burden.  However, I begin to realize that God is trying to teach each member of my family a lesson.  I plead with God to make the lessons easy and as pain-free as possible.  No one wants to see their wife and their children struggle, and fight, and fail, and doubt God in their own lives.  

Then, the questions come.  How do I set the example when I don't feel like fighting this battle anymore?  How can I encourage my family to keep fighting when I'm exhausted and beat up?  When can we have some relief?  How do you love someone who keeps pushing you away?  How do you teach morals and values to someone who doesn't care?  How do you instill self respect and honor to someone who believes they are now entitled to whatever they want?  How do you teach humility to someone who believes they have received life's golden ticket?  God usually doesn't give a specific answer in this regard.  His response is usually "exactly" or "now you're getting it."  In other words, God wants me to keep asking the questions, but I WANT ANSWERS!!  So, what do you do when you feel like God isn't giving you the answers you want?  How do you cope with the circumstances you are in?  I said "yes" to something difficult that God wanted my family to do and He has us here...why?  Unfortunately, my first instinct is to try and fix it myself, which fails miserably.  Finally, I turn to where He wanted me in the first place...Scripture. 

Yesterday, I had a song lyric in my head from Bethel Music that says, "deep cries out to You Jesus."  As I searched the Scripture to see where it came from, and why God put it in my head, I was lead to Psalm 42.  It was quite obvious why God led me to that Scripture considering my current circumstances.  This Psalm is a Maskil, which means a pslam of instruction.  In this particular Psalm, the author is quite depressed.  In verse 3, he states that "my tears have been my food day and night, while all day long people say to me, 'Where is your God?'"  He actually says that he is depressed in verses 5, 6 and 11.  Then comes verse 7, "Deep calls to deep in the roar of Your waterfalls; all Your breakers and Your billows have swept over me."  In context of this Psalm, I believe this verse is painting a picture of how overwhelmed he is with the trials that have come his way.  God has allowed these things to happen, and the Psalmist feels consumed by the waves.  For me, this verse has a deeper meaning.  The phrase "deep calls to deep" has been chasing me for a while now.  

There are times when my soul feels dried up and thirsty.  Usually this happens because I have become lackadaisical with my faith.  I put the cruise control on and stop my pursuit of a fresh word from God.  The amazing thing is that God continues His pursuit of me!  He plants thoughts in my mind through songs or sermons that keep haunting me until I pursue an answer.  "Deep calls to deep" reminds me of Luke 19:40, where Jesus states, "I tell you, if they were to keep silent, the stones would cry out."  This verse reminds us that creation speaks the praises of the Creator.  Then God reminded me, I am His creation as well.  The depth of my soul is crying out for the depth of His goodness, the depth of His righteousness, the depth of His faithfulness.  I have to choose to praise Him, just as the Psalmist did in chapter 42.  Remember, this is a Psalm of instruction, so God is giving us an example of what to do when we are depressed or overwhelmed by our circumstances.  The summation of chapter 42 comes in the last part of the last verse of the chapter, "Put your hope in God, for I will still praise Him, my Savior and my God."  Yes, God has my family in the throes of a difficult season.  Yes, I am losing battles because I keep losing focus.  Yes, the task before my wife and myself is great as we try and help rescue 2 souls from utter darkness.  Yes, my family will take a beating through this process.  Yes, I will question whether God cares and if He's even there.  But...the depth of my soul will continue to cry out for the depth of God's infinite love and mercy, and it is there where my soul will find hope and rest.  I have to choose to praise Him, whether I feel like it or not. 

I leave you with the lyrics from a song that I have loved ever since it came out.  It has become my anthem right now...


"Broken Hallelujah" by The Afters


Verse 1
I can barely stand right now.
Everything is crashing down,
And I wonder where You are.

Verse 2
I try to find the words to pray.
I don't always know what to say,
But You're the one that can hear my heart.

Pre-chorus
Even though I don't know what your plan is,
I know You're making beauty from these ashes.

Chorus
I've seen joy and I've seen pain.
On my knees, I call Your name.
Here's my broken hallelujah.
With nothing left to hold onto,
I raise these empty hands to You.
Here's my broken hallelujah.

Verse 3
You know the things that have brought me here
You know the story of every tear.
‘Cause You've been here from the very start

Bridge
When all is taken away, don't let my heart be changed.
Let me always sing Hallelujah
When I feel afraid, don't let my hope be erased
Let me always sing Hallelujah.
Let me always sing Hallelujah.